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Building a life?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by LetItGo, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I really need to work on a lot of areas in my life, and Im just so jaded with everything, I cant motivate myself at all. My head is just going around in circles, i feel brain dead. I really feel like chucking a sickie tommorow, I dont want to have to smile one more time without meaning it, im not a fucking circus clown.

    I need to meet new people, build a social life, and maybe meet a new girlfriend, since im now officially single.

    Where do I start? Has anyone felt so utterly trapped and alone, and found a way out of it? What did you do? Where did you go?

    :unsure: :sad:

    Im thinking I should go back on meds again and start seeing someone as part of the solution, and other logical things like university and so on come to mind, but thats not feasible, I dont have the money for it, and its too late to start this year anyway. I need radical solutions, doable solutions, short term. Forget clubs and bars as well, I dont do those alone, and ill be alone for everything.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2008
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Matt - you need to stop looking outside for the answers to your questions. Build some self confidence and then things will start coming your way. Find some faith deep within you, i know its there. If you didn't see the way out then you wouldnt b able to give other people such wonderful advise. Imagine you were me, what would you tell me if i were in your position. You would tell me to believe in myself, to start fresh and to use my past experiences.

    You have a lot to be proud of. You are a strong person, a terrific friend, a loving and compassionate person. Start realising that someone would be lucky to have you not the other way around. Stop taking it all so seriously. Sit back and relax once in a while rather than spending your life dwelling on the past. That never got anyone anywhere! Treat yourself to dinner, to a movie, do soemthing you have always wanted to do, make a list of things you want to achieve in the next week and do them. Start going to the gym or if you cant afford that go for a walk or a run. Thre are so many opportunities out there all you have to do is step out of that comfort zone for one moment and you will see a whole new world.

    And for gods sake, get your arse on msn every once in a while so i dont have to come on here and search for your posts just to see how you are! Haha!

    In conclusion, i would just like to know when my life supply if juice coming? I'm feeling rather thirsty and as you know, i wont drink anything else!

    Take care my fellow aussie battler hehe! :tongue:
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    The juice doesnt grow on trees ya know! :tongue: Ermm well ya :blink: But we gotta perfect the blend to get the kiddies all pie eyed and bugging their parents for extra lunch money to buy the stuff. Its gonna be the new golden circle with a twist. The classics take time :tongue:

    I dont have any faith in me really. I just cant manufacture that anymore. See you get to a point where your fed up feeding yourself excuses for where your life is at and you just stagnate, rot on the vine. Everything goes to mush, your head, your heart, your waistline, even though im a skinny bugger atm. I cant even be bothered feeding my sorry ass half the time.

    Im not a terrific friend, im a trully useless friend, and I know it, and its pathetic to make up lies for it. Im not even gonna bother. Thats why im in the situation im in. Part of it is moving around when I was younger, most of it is just my ineptness in staying in contact with people, and my feelings of inadequency overshadowing most of my friendships in the past. Im not always a good communicator in the social sense, sometimes I am when I feel comfortable but that takes time. Im not the type to ever introduce myself to people.

    I am finally starting to let the past go, I dont think about it so much now. I think thats just a sign of getting older, and maybe developing a sense of maturity and perspective on life.

    I do believe I can be a loving and compassionate person. I tried to be that way in my recent relationship. Tried to really listen and give feedback, talk things through and give advice on things. I think maybe I smothered her a little, but then Im working full time so when I came home the logical thing for me to do was start with the hugs and so on...I do like physical contact, I like being affectionate.

    Ive always made lists of everything. I love a good list as I mentioned in a post a couple days ago, but writing a list is easy, its 5 minutes work. I am a lazy person. Theres only 2 things I consistantly manage to get myself to do - one is work, the other is a couple drinks down the pub and a nice lunch at a cafe or something, outside of that im basically a homebody. I dont want to live like this though, I feel starved, deprived of sunlight, like my life is gathering dust on a shelf somewhere.

    Remember that period I went through with walking? every day, for miles and miles, maybe it contributed a little bit to helping me get the energy to look for a job, but it didnt make me feel like going out to party or anything, and who with? Oscar? (my old cat, I miss him so :sad: )

    Your right Shauna, the world is full of opportunities and thats the frustrating part, knowing that and watching them slip past you by just breeds more self loathing, an even greater desire to isolate yourself because then you dont have to talk about your life to people...or lack of it.

    In regards to MSN, I always intend to go on there, wake up in the morning and tell myself im gonna go on for a while, but you know ive struck a problem, im scared to start talking to people again, theres some social phobia creeping in there...

    Man im such a fuck up.
  4. Just_a_guy

    Just_a_guy Well-Known Member

    Hi MJ! Just wanted to say i can relate to pretty much all you say. I feel like a fuck up myself and lately all ive done is going to work and coming back "home" to sleep. I dont have many friends here, i am lonely, i miss my old cat too :( , ive had periods where i can go jogging and cycling for hours every day. I guess i like and hate going to work every day, its the only place where i can actually talk to other people.

    What kind of work do you do? Try talking to people at work, you can get far by just smiling and being helpful. Doesnt really matter what you talk about :D Think about the people who are working in the same place for like 30 years, they might not have anything intelligent to say most of the time but it would get pretty boring after a few years :D
    I felt some major social phobia creeping too until i started going to work and talking to people.

    Try following routines and start saving up money. If you dont like the place you live in then maybe move out later, thats what i am planning. Save money for like a new computer or a new bike or a trip or something. After you have a bit of extra cash things will at least feel much safer if nothing else.

    Ive allways totally hated going to bars and parties. The few times ive went with my friends have made me feel like a loser because i didnt have enough courage to go talk to women. I felt like a loser being home when all the "cool" went to parties and clubs but now i dont give a shit about that anymore. Bah! forget women, who needs them anyways. I think you shouldnt stress about meeting a new girlfriend at least yet. I think that getting new friends and a girlfriend are just stuff that will happen on their own when things start looking a bit brighter.

    Good luck :)
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    The only two reasons why I go to work are money and talking to people, but they all live there own lives anywayz.

    I guess I can see why she broke it off with me, my misery guts attitude and depression isnt exactly a turn on, but I wouldnt be this bad if it had worked out would I. Maybe its something physical, something so fundamentally awful nobody can get passed it. I dunno, if it was something I could change Id like to know what it is so I stand a hope in hell next time, or even if its something I cant change, at least id like to know so i can stop banging my head against a wall and just go out and shoot myself...

    oh woh is me, fuck it.
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Exactly they live their own lives Matt. Exactly what you should be doing. Living your life. Stop focusin on others living their lives and fix yours. You shouldn't have relied on solely moving in with a girl you met off the net and barely knew. YOu should have moved in with P*** like you initially planned on doing.

    your mere attitude is going to be the downfall of you. You are young regardless of you thinking so, you have a job, a life not sitting at home like you were months ago. You'vee made one step to the positive again regardless of whether you think so or not. Why not be happy with that?!
  7. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    It has been a positive step when it comes to growing as a person, definately, if I had of moved in with p*** it would never have happened because of the distance, if K lived in Ncastle and not way down here that would have been a better situation but it wasnt the case. She says she isnt ready for a relationship and I except that, although im a little puzzled as to why she invited me here in the first place if thats the case, curiosity I guess. We still get along as friends, were still living together atm.

    I look at my options and I dont have any that move me forward or even sideways, there both backwards, I might as well stay here until I get to know a few more people and can feel comfortable in my own place with friends visiting etc, OR until I go overseas, im leaning towards the later providing K and I continue to get along ok and she continues to put up with me.

    I think the chances of that working out would be increased if I had a life outside of work, that way im here less, and I would be a happier person, so regardless of whether I go overseas or not, I need to work on that, which brings me all the way back to the first post in this thread.....making that happen.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2008
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