All through elementary school I was teased because I was shy so the other kids thought I was strange. The more they teased me the more I went into my shell and could not open up. When I was in the eighth grade I thought I finally found friends because I made fun of this one girl and the other kids liked it and talked to me more. I made her life miserable (I think about it now and hate myself for it.) the more angry she got, the happier I was. When I started High School I started regretting it because it turned out only a few of the people in my eighth grade actually liked me, the rest thought I was a loser too. They had just thought it was funny what I was doing. Well I was the victim of bullying again and I soon started realizing what I had been doing to that girl in eighth grade and thought about how I had felt about being teased before the eighth grade and how I felt then. It went on throughout High school. This time I was being teased because of my appearance and not my shyness (although I was back to being shy again. the eighth grade was the only time except kindergarten to grade 2 that I wasn't shy.) and so I started hating myself. In the tenth grade there was several times I tried to commit suicide but everyone kept telling me that things get better after High School so don't do it. So I got through High School with that thought. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be true. I am still being teased for my appearance. I am now 20, I will be 21 in September. I keep myself clean and well kept but I am slightly on the chubby side (not overweight, my BMI is 23 and I do look average for my height but whenever I look in the mirror I see the fat that I hide under baggy clothes) and my face is ugly. That is the reason for people teasing me because my face is ugly. I don't have pimples or anything like that, something that can't he helped but can be cured. People often tell me I look more like a guy than a girl. I try to keep my hair nice, I keep my eyebrows thin and I wear makeup but people still make fun of me. They always bark at me and wolf whistle. A whole group of people were making fun of me just last night. When is this going to end? People are always saying looks don't matter but obviously they do because people are never going to leave me alone. I am too scared to go to parties because of it. My friends are getting sick of me because I won't leave the house anymore. I've tried getting a makeover but it doesn't help. Nothing does. I used to be really skinny too (in case people are thinking I could lose weight to improve my face, which I should lose 10 pounds either way) but I was ugly then too. I'm just one of those people who will always be ugly no matter that I do. I am trying, I really am but nothing is helping. I am sick of being teased. I thought it was supposed to be easier when you were an adult. I thought you weren't supposed to be bullied in your adult years, everyone lied to me when they told me it would get better. What do I do? I want to be happy. I want to be able to go to parties and have fun. I don't want to be wondering every second if someone is judging me .