Bullied my whole life.

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by ashla86, Mar 31, 2007.

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  1. ashla86

    ashla86 Active Member

    All through elementary school I was teased because I was shy so the other kids thought I was strange. The more they teased me the more I went into my shell and could not open up. When I was in the eighth grade I thought I finally found friends because I made fun of this one girl and the other kids liked it and talked to me more. I made her life miserable (I think about it now and hate myself for it.) the more angry she got, the happier I was. When I started High School I started regretting it because it turned out only a few of the people in my eighth grade actually liked me, the rest thought I was a loser too. They had just thought it was funny what I was doing. Well I was the victim of bullying again and I soon started realizing what I had been doing to that girl in eighth grade and thought about how I had felt about being teased before the eighth grade and how I felt then. It went on throughout High school. This time I was being teased because of my appearance and not my shyness (although I was back to being shy again. the eighth grade was the only time except kindergarten to grade 2 that I wasn't shy.) and so I started hating myself. In the tenth grade there was several times I tried to commit suicide but everyone kept telling me that things get better after High School so don't do it. So I got through High School with that thought. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be true. I am still being teased for my appearance. I am now 20, I will be 21 in September. I keep myself clean and well kept but I am slightly on the chubby side (not overweight, my BMI is 23 and I do look average for my height but whenever I look in the mirror I see the fat that I hide under baggy clothes) and my face is ugly. That is the reason for people teasing me because my face is ugly. I don't have pimples or anything like that, something that can't he helped but can be cured. People often tell me I look more like a guy than a girl. I try to keep my hair nice, I keep my eyebrows thin and I wear makeup but people still make fun of me. They always bark at me and wolf whistle. A whole group of people were making fun of me just last night.

    When is this going to end? People are always saying looks don't matter but obviously they do because people are never going to leave me alone. I am too scared to go to parties because of it. My friends are getting sick of me because I won't leave the house anymore. I've tried getting a makeover but it doesn't help. Nothing does. I used to be really skinny too (in case people are thinking I could lose weight to improve my face, which I should lose 10 pounds either way) but I was ugly then too. I'm just one of those people who will always be ugly no matter that I do. I am trying, I really am but nothing is helping. I am sick of being teased. I thought it was supposed to be easier when you were an adult. I thought you weren't supposed to be bullied in your adult years, everyone lied to me when they told me it would get better.
    What do I do? I want to be happy. I want to be able to go to parties and have fun. I don't want to be wondering every second if someone is judging me .
  2. scorpia

    scorpia New Member

    dont, worry will get better
  3. Greenforest

    Greenforest Well-Known Member

    Who were they? Don't hang with them if you can.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    sounds like you are definetly hanging out with the wrong peeps.
    And hun, it does get better. The older you get the less this shit will happen.
    Cold comfort at the moment I know, but trust me it will pass.
  5. ashla86

    ashla86 Active Member

    I don't, I don't even know who they were. It was a crowd of people standing on the street talking.

    But something good recently has happened. The girl I mentioned above that I made fun of, (biggest regret of my life) well I saw her again the other night. We started talking to each other, we met in the store. She doesn't hate me for what I did (even though she should) and she wants to talk to me more again. I am glad about that, I've been wanting to talk to her for about six years now to let her know that I know I was an idiot in the eighth grade and that she didn't deserve any of that. She told me she knew exactly why I did it because she did the same thing in High School to someone and regrets it.
  6. Greenforest

    Greenforest Well-Known Member

    Isn't it strange how you think about someone or something and then it suddenly happens. I've experienced something like it too, meeting an old friend after thinking how good things used to be back then. Such strange but good moments give me more faith on some kind of god or good spirit.

    You just have to believe in good things, and not only wish but really believe them to happen. :)
  7. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    einstein was bullied as a kid for being jewish. it was physical. but he didn't get seriously hurt. he was a loner and rebellious. after he graduated college his german teacher made sure that he would not have a career even teaching high school students for eight years. he reached a moment of dispair but i guess his passion for science was enough. after he showed his work, experts would not acknowledge his work for three years. he sent hundreds of letters and postcards to school across the western europe most with not even a response of rejection. there is one school that has his postcard in a museum with the reply option left unused.
  8. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    People are just like that. I personally don't listen to people who say things will get better because they have no idea. A more honest response would be that it may or may not get better. I really do hope it does get better for you though. It seems like things are starting to :)
  9. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    double post (please delete)
  10. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Wow I'm really sorry that happened to you.. people are wayyyy too shallow. I hate how people totally judge you on what you look like, but at the same time, people sometimes make fun of people even if they are pretty; people make fun of other people because they're insecure, or unhappy/bored with their own lives. You said that you were shy, and people most likely thought that you wouldn't stand up to them since you were.. people just try and bully the people who they think are weaker than them.. I know that doesn't make it right, but I'm sure people did it only for that reason, and not because there was anything wrong with you. :smile: <3
  11. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel about bullying others. When I was in grade 8 I did the same thing. The people who bullied me were the people I hung out with through elementary school. Coming from a small school, there really wasn't much choice. When they started to bully another individual, I'd join in. I guess I did it to ensure they didn't go back to picking on me. I regret what I did now...
  12. ih8u

    ih8u Active Member

    im butt ugly too.
    all throughout elementary and jhs i've been bullied for being fat and ugly, chubby and hairy and stuff.
    then hs started and i changed up my hairstyle, eyebrows and weight and some people called me attractive and then when my self esteem was low and i wanted to know forreal, i asked them to tell me the truth and they said i was below average.
    didnt really get bullied when i started hs, but then again i developed health problems and cant really be in school. booya.
    i used to never trash talk about people behind their backs, but hey i figured they're all doing it to me, retaliation baby. make fun of them back.
  13. peapod

    peapod Member

    Hi Ih8u ^^^^^

    Once when I was younger I remember a guy calling me the ugly one, and shouting ugly after me later.

    I took it to heart at the time, and was upset,
    but now I remember I had huge boobs at the time and was wearing this red top, and the guy was probably attracted to me. I got whistled at in the same top, so it's probably the guy's issue.

    I bet you do look good, the ppl were probably trying to wind you up a little : P
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