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Bullies are always called "lovely people" in my experience.

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by snarrylover, Jan 18, 2012.

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  1. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I was just reading an article about a teenage girl found dead and the parents are quoted as saying how nice she was and how she never had a bad word to say about anyone. Then I realised that pretty much every single article about a missing person has friends and family saying the same "so happy and social" "always making friends" "so fun to be with." I get that they won't say a bad word given the situation, but of all these people who go missing they all can't be perfect and it got me thinking.

    I was bullied in school by a few girls but I never told anyone because I was embarassed. But everyone thought those girls were really nice because they were so pretty and socialable. I don't get it and I don't think I ever will. Why is everyone blinded to the nastiness of these so-called "perfect" people? They are only nice to people who are like them.
  2. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    I'm not blinded by it. I see a person who died on the news and I'm like, "They look like they would be a dickhead anyway". You can call it cruel, but I'm probably right.
  3. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I feel bad when innocents die in the news... However, yeah I would be the same way sort of. I didn't get bullied in school amazingly - probably because I was stronger than most of them.

  4. rebecca3

    rebecca3 New Member

    its because even though they bully you they do it in a way that isn't seem by others and if they see it they think it is funny they never really understand how the pain hurts until its too late. They don't realise how their actions have hurt you until something destroys their perfect people image and they become the target of their own jokes
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Because they're also the ones who get noticed… and a lot of them succeed mostly by pushing other kids into the shadows.

    A lot of adults remember their childhoods selectively and if you asked them they'd probably say that the good times were incredible and the bad times were actually not so bad. If they were in the popular groups, as much as I hate to say it, they probably wouldn't even remember the time they utterly humiliated you for no reason other than their own amusement, and would instead focus on all the times they had with their friends and cars, that kind of thing. They don't even realize what they're doing… but yeah, basically it's a law of nature that some people will succeed and one way to succeed is to make other people fail-- socially, economically, emotionally, psychologically… a lot of the winners are winners only because they made someone else lose. But people don't always see it that way.

    Kids know the kind of BS they have to go through on a daily basis and how awful it is, but a lot of former bullies reflect on those times and say something like 'heh… I was a little mischievous' as if it was just 'something that kids do' and not something that scarred another person and probably had a serious negative impact on the course of their life. To them it's all in the past and they've been able to move on and the worst part is that they're probably not even like that now, so you can't even get revenge… unless you're super spiteful and you don't care about being put in prison.

    Adults also can't read kids as well as they think or would like to and kids also tend to hide things from their parents… which also means that that relationship is strained and there's distance between them… kids pushing their parents away and parents giving up in frustration or not really knowing how to handle kids who are a little bit independent. So yeah, chances are it's not that people are actively supporting or thinking well of bullies, it's that adults don't understand and teachers tend to ignore the kids who get pushed into the shadows, or just assume it's something that they could never understand.

    If you're being bullied, then you should find someone you trust-- preferably an adult, and come forward with it… because I know from experience that just holding it in is really bad for you. Still, the law of the playground says don't rat on others so chances are it'll just keep on going like it is… and there's always the chance that the adult will handle it badly and just make things worse.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2012
  6. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Wow, that reminds me perfectly of this one girl in 6th grade, she was cruel. Would pick on me all the time- never laid a hand on me (one of the rare few that didn't of my bullies) but the mental anguish she gave me every day from the beginning to the end of school was so bad I wished she would just kick me or punch me. But...I remember one day she showed up at my doorstep- how she got my address I never knew- this was like a year later when I was put in a different school (mainly cuz I was refusing to go to school otherwise). But I remember her being at the doorstep and just going on and on about how she missed me and wanted to have me go to the mall with her. I- luckily- had stuff to do so I couldn't. But I just remember thinking how badly I wanted to tell her about how it felt to be bullied by her day after day.

    Even to this day I don't know if she was seriously trying to make peace or if it was another plot. All I know is that she acted like she never realized what she had done. And when I did bring up the mildest parts she acted like it was nothing at all...
  7. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    I don't believe they change when they get older. If you have it in you to bully another kid at school on an ongoing basis, understanding and revelling in making them miserable and scared then you are an a****le and always will be. I don't kow anybody nice who was a bully at school. The ones I know who admit to it are all selfish people who are so fond of themselves they think its ok to say they bullied someone and put it down to youth, without being totally ashamed. Horrible. "Lovely" might just mean "popular". I always found people didn't slag bullies, they humoured them for fear of falling foul of them.
  8. cie

    cie Banned Member

    I started school when I was 8 due to a paranoid schizophrenic mother who thought it was some kind of institution out to get us... I'm sure you can all imagine what the bullies thought of THAT - my mother and starting 3 years too late.

    I was 'beaten up' on a daily basis, and the teacher always told them off as if they were kids and they didn't care (and truthfully - neither did she), then one day the teacher left and another one came, and whenever they attacked me the teacher blamed me for it saying I'm the bad one and I need to stop doing... well whatever her small brain told her I was doing. The thing is a lot of the adults are no better, tell you one thing though, if I became a teacher and I noticed a bully, I'd make it a vendetta to expel the bully and notify anyone concerned. It's traumatizing.

    Kids don't actually know there are places that can help - and how would they? Let alone that they could trust them and it wont just come back around to bite you in the rear, like telling teachers or parents do. The way adults handle bullying is unacceptable and in many cases worse than the bullying itself, because it shows the victim that they have nowhere they can turn and no way to ensure safety.

    I didn't have a day in school throughout my entire life, and I do not exaggerate, where I was not bullied extensively. It was hell. Moving from one end of the country to the other still didn't help. Going to different schools didn't. They see me and they hate me, they see me and they know I'm not like them and they want to make me hurt.

    I was taking weapons to school to defend myself with when I was 11-12. This isn't America, it's NZ, a country where almost no one even has a gun on them, even at night. But here I was, at 11-12 years of age, trying to fight to stay alive until I almost killed my attackers, and it wasn't even with a weapon, it was with a plastic lunch box. If I hadn't regained control of my hatred towards them I would of been a murderer when I was a child :/

    The most confusing thing that has ever happened to me is leaving school at the age of 15, I did not tell my parents or ANYONE, I simply signed the form saying 'I'm done, it's over, good riddance' and walked away from that hell, I didn't care what my father would say, nothing would make me go back. One of the bullies upon learning I was leaving, who I had been bullied by for six years; through primary, middle, and high school - by some sick twist of fate, at that - walked up to me and sincerely apologized.

    So out of the hundreds, literally hundreds, of bullies I endured as a kid, only one had even the remotest possibility of turning out to be a decent human being.
  9. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Nobody wants to speak ill of the dead, it's as simple as that.

    Mark Duggan, who was shot by armed police in London last year was described as a "nice person" but he was a gangster involved in some nasty stuff. Go figure.
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