Bully Shaming... When does it go too far?

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by Butterfly, Jul 13, 2015.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I saw a video on facebook earlier of 2 young girls (in their teens) being bullied by one girl in particular who was in a large gang of people, both boys and girls. The person who posted the video was sent the video as it was circulating to try and shame the girls who were bullied, however the girl who posted it was disgusted and wanted to shame the bullies and also sent it to the police and reported the people she knew to be involved. This has circulated like wildfire and has over 3 million views and 99.9999% of the comments are disgusted with what they saw.

    However, the main bully in the video a long with a couple of others have been named and shamed. However it has gone beyond just naming and shaming. Mobile numbers, landline numbers and even addresses of those involved have been shared as well as numerous threats of violence and from what the girl in question has posted she is in hiding.

    Apparently the main bully has been arrested but she has also sent text messages to other people saying she was not sorry and she would do it again and these texts have been shared. It's possible they may not be legitimate but she has also said similar on her public fb and twitter accounts too and clearly has no remorse.

    When does bully shaming go too far? Does it go to far as soon as they are named? Or to the extreme point where addresses are shared?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Personally, I would only go as far as notifying the police, otherwise aren't we in danger of becoming the bullies?
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    "shaming" is bullying - period. The tit for tat / two wrongs don't make a right / eye for an eye / choose your cliche is al crap and because somebody makes a mistake it does not give licence for others to bully them. The fact is most bullying starts because of some perceived "mistake" of social graces at the minimum , if not an actual mistake or small bad act and the bullying is "punishment" for that act. You cannot claim to be against bullying while acting like a bully yourself.
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Also, posting addresses, phone numbers is WAY out of line

    Too many wackos out there who don't think before acting - I used to get calls from idiots because my cousin and I have the same name even though we don't even share a zip code any more

    Local dentist started getting death threats online for the same reason and he wasn't even in the same STATE
  5. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2015
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I have mixed feelings on this. Sometimes I wish I could just "shame" the people who have contributed to my mental health problems that I am probably going to be dealing with for the rest of my life. So if making me feel like crap at the time wasn't bad enough, I am going to face it for the rest of my life also. To make them feel just a little bit of what I felt and will feel for the rest of my life. But then I think that being bitter and twisted about it is not going to make me feel any better and I do not want to stoop to their level. I guess one day, what goes around comes around and they will get what is coming to them eventually. But I can see how people can become easily consumed in wanting to get revenge, when you are in pain sometimes you will stoop to new levels to try and make others feel what you felt and wanting to make someone pay for what they have done.

    I don't agree with people threatening to the girl in question, or the posting of her private phone numbers and her address as people have been around her house and she has had to go into hiding. I think this girl is going to suffer for the rest of her life for what she has done and although she shows no remorse now, I suspect that in the future when she ends up going to prison and getting a criminal record, and no one will employ her because they will have seen the video etc. she will see the error of her ways and realise that what goes around comes around and everything you do has consequences. Unfortunately this is going to probably mean that she will herself suffer from mental health problems and will probably be a drain on society as she will most likely live a life on benefits, maybe even going in and out of prison. Or on the other hand, it may be a wake up call for her to turn her life around. Who knows.

    I also think that people have a lack of faith in the justice system. Bullies and people who go around harassing other people just seem to get a slap on the wrist despite the destruction their words and actions cause to their victims. It doesn't seem fair that they get left off lightly for the victim to live a life of pain and misery which people invariably do. They may not be suicidal or depressed for the rest of their life but it does have a profound effect in other ways. The public also don't like to see the vulnerable being exploited or suffering so they tend to take matters into their own hands to ensure that justice is served, especially when nobody has any faith in the justice system anymore.

    I also think that bully shaming can also send out the message that it will not be tolerated, you will be found out and it will come back to haunt you. But then again it encourages people to become bullies themselves and troll others on the internet.

    Personally, I wouldn't publically shame the bully. I have had to call the police on bullies before and it had the desired effect and I got left alone and it did shame them because I saw them balling like babies after the police dealt with them and inside that felt good, like a small victory. But I still suffer, and I very much doubt they do from the police giving them a caution that has probably been wiped off their record.
  7. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    If bullying didn't destroy lives and take them and was taken A LOT more seriously by schools and authorities then yeah maybe I'd condemn shaming more than I know I should but when there is little to no other consequence for the devastation they often cause until it is often far too late.. Fook em, public shaming is a lot nicer than what I'd like to do to someone if I ever caught anyone bullying someone I cared about and if it scares others from it then +1.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2015
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think that public shaming, posting names/addresses/phone numbers and hassling a bully is just "bullying" in return for someone has done/said to us - and very wrong to do! Maybe it would "work"; however, there's at least an equal if not greater chance that it could backfire and make the original bullied person (not the original bully) look bad. If the authorities were required for settling things, I'd leave it up to them to make sure the person got their due.

    Google "bully", "bullying", "bullies", "adult bullies" and you can find some info about what bullying is, how to cope/deal with it, support groups, etc.
  9. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Suffering years of bullying myself as a child and adolescent I can safely say that what worked for me best was to knock them on their arse in front of all their friends. Up until that point I either ran away, Or stayed by force and endured what they dished out or just stayed at home and isolated. They made my life a misery and it was worth it for the 30 seconds of satisfaction. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do as it probably wasn't but damn it felt good. Just for the record too, They never touched me again. No one likes to be humiliated in public and its one of the last things they expect. I had no support for this from my parents as a child as they felt I should and I quote "Not be so wet" so I was left to deal with this myself.
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