Bullying has led me to suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by desperate4help, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
    This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck.
    Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

    It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
    You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I'll never know.

    Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you TSR!)...

    Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn't be happening, because I didn't deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
    It is when I get an "extreme" case that I get upset.
    Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
    Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

    I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven't really spoken before.
    It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

    I now think of many things that "would have" happened had we spoken, but that haven't happened.

    You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don't think this is "the right time" and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

    It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn't have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

    that annoys me, because that is not true.
    I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn't work I will be so upset.
    Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully.

    I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.
  2. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    I think the only thing i can recommend is keep your neck warm as much as possible as bones click more often when cold, so wear a scalf, bullying is totaly out of order i think this 1 incident is haunting you quite severly by th esounds of things so i think a councillor would be a good idea also i highly recommend hypnotherapy for this sort of incident and if your neck is hurtin you i would tell you docter to get som pain killers sorted, but to me by the sounds of it the underlying issue of the bullying is playing a bigger pain in your life than your neck!

  3. Milton

    Milton Well-Known Member

    Hope you don't mind me asking, how old are you now?

    I have thoughts similar to yours about missed opportunities in social situations. I don't know that there's a way of reliably breaking the negative outlook other than to stop thinking and go talk to that person.

    I don't think there is a "right time". I know, though, that if someone was saying this to me, I'd be unconvinced, so I don't expect you'll be swayed by my short sentence. But maybe you do just have to try; maybe there's a way you could set something up (don't really know the situation, so modify as appropriate), like "hey, me and Joe were going to get pizza, you want to have some?" That way, even if you get knocked back, you're still having pizza with your friend Joe. (I may have missed the point somewhat, as this isn't even looking at the bully-related issue).
  4. 19.
    thanks for the reply, it was helpful.
  5. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi desperate4help,

    Stop feeling sorry for yourself for being a victim.. schools can be very rough and there's always idiots trying to wanna control someone's life by haunting them.. because..that's their method of releasing stress..because..their parents didn't set good examples for them..

    You cannot blame them for not learning.. you can only report that to school or ask your parents to report that..or sue the kid's parents..something like that..if that's what you want.. but if you cannot get that then forgive him..and move on..or just forget it.

    It must be the first time you're being beaten..it must hurt as you did not expect anything like this..shit..I wish I could break his arms for you lol..

    But.. about the phone thing, don't worry too much about that, it's only because of that incident your self esteem is very low now.. please don't worry about what had happened and move on..there are better things to do than to worry!

  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Desperate4help,

    I agree with levitated-one, you must forgive him and move on. If there isn't anything you can do about it now, just let it go :hug:

    I wish you the best of luck with your new specialist, I hope it will be successful!

    I'm here if you ever need to talk :) :hug:
  7. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    I have been bullied through out my life too but I don't want to commit suicide because of it. The bullies are not bothering me as much as some other problems in my life. As far making friends is concerned, I never had any friends in my life either nor do I try to make any because I know for a fact that there are a very few who will stick with you through thick and thin and not bale out or use you either.
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't believe the title of this thread. It hurts, it's frustrating, on account of the bullying... but chances are good there's other stuff in your life [or not in your life] that's making you suicidal.

    But I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

    I have hearing damage. It was on account of myself, so I can't hate anyone over it. It used to hurt me when my ears rang. Not physically, it just... it was overwhelming in the intensity of the frustration.

    My solution: I began taking anti-anxiety medication. They still ring, but I'm at peace with that.

    [I also have the bone cracking problem that you mention; no one has any idea why it is, but they're all clear that there's no harm coming. Not just my neck, every joint in my body does it now.]
  9. I don't think I will be..
  10. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Get an <Mod Edit - suggesting violence against another>, and when you pass yer bully in the hallway, <Mod Edit - violence against another>. That'll put him in his place.:laugh:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2008
  11. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    To all,

    Please do not suggest or resort to violence of any sort as a response to others. It is not a good way to resolve things and on the forum, it may be triggering to others.


  12. give me some advice, please
  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You need to move on, maybe try and get a mantra that everytime you say it will remind you you didn't deserve to be bullied but that it's in the past and everythings ok now and live for the moment. I'm sorry i can't be of much help but people before me have given good advice :hug:
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