Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Elle., Sep 11, 2009.

  1. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    Everyone is better off without me.

    I'm a burdain to my mom who wants to do anythign in her power to make me happy and get me to whatever college I want to go to, which is amazing, but she gets to do nothing for herself anymore. She wants the best for me, which means the least for her. She makes me feel so extremely guilty but she doesn't wanna hear it. She doesn't get that I don't matter.

    I'm a burdain to my friends who stopped being my friends about a year ago but feel obliged to talk to me now because I'm simply there. They feel obliged to invite me to parties and be nice to me, while I know they'd rather not. I'm always the one walking behind everybody. Just 'there'.

    I'm a burdain to myself. For cutting, for losing weight unhealthily, for being sad and so tired al the time. For being me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not a burden you are depressed a illness that is treatable. your thinking is all distorted mixed up because your brain has not got enough serotonin in it. Depression and anxiety can be treated so please talk with a doctor to get some help. I would do anything for my daughter that is what moms do she wouldn't want you to suffer like this so please tell her you need help you need to see doctor so you can feel better again:console:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I doubt everyone would be better off without you. By the sounds of it, your mum is very supportive of you. Does she know how you're feeling? If not, she's probably the ideal person to tell first as she wants to help so much :)

    ..and please remember, you do matter!!
  4. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reactions.. and the spelling check ^^ (not a native)

    I appreciate it :) It's so hard to actually confide in someone though, but I'm sure I'll be ready for it in time. I just don't want to be any more trouble than I already am. It feels like asking help will be asking for attention and that just causes annoyance with people. I can't talk about it, because people don't wanna hear. If that makes sense.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    It's okay to ask for help though. You're not burdening anyone; what you're feeling isn't your fault.

    Your mom sounds like she might be supportive. Can you talk to her, or even write her a note if it's too hard for you to actually talk about?
  6. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    I've tried to talk to my mom, but she won't acknowledge it as a problem. With everything I say to her I feel more embaressed to even have to say it. She'll reply with 'nonsense' or 'just keep going you'll be fine' and then she'll go on to talk about how 'depressed' my older brother is who's not comfortable in his new house etc.

    She tells me I complain too much and ruin the atmosphere at home. She's not the kind of person to come to for this. She's very down to earth and no-bullshit. She's very positive and tough. If she'd find out I cut that would be the beginning of a situation I really don't need right now. Not to add sending me away some place.

    She loves me so much but she thinks I'm just like her and just like everyone else in the family. For her, I'm just looking for attention or I'm in some kind of phase that'll be different every week. I've always been the odd one out. I've told her so many times. I always get put down. If I go on about it, she'll get mad and either start a new topic, or make me feel really really stupid by telling me it's nothing and even laughing.