I'm buried in stress right now. I've had two strikes in the program I'm at. I'm becoming a (insert underpaid, much needed, under-respected career here). They're bound to kick me out at this newest issue. Not going into specifics in case things bite me in the arse. Anyway... If something happens to my future, all this college will be for nothing. I have dreams, but they don't involve this career so to speak. I want to be an artist. This job was a foundation so that I could pursue my dreams and still have an income. (everyone in my family thinks artists are always going to starve, and as far as I can tell it's true.) If something happens, my mother will panic. She's already threatened that if I get in trouble again, she's cutting all support. I'll be on my own. No rent, essentially homeless. Where do I go? No future...no dreams, etc. Plus she has high blood pressure so I don't want anything happening to her. She might get another heart attack and then what... There were reasons for this career but right now I'm so bogged down I don't see them anymore. It's almost not worth it. I will let everyone down, and have no future. BF said we'd make it somehow but I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to do the worst possible, but it's habit nowadays for my mind to be drawn to that possibility. Why would it be so bad? Yeah I want to draw but that's not going to happen now. I don't know. This isn't all I'm facing, but I'm not saying any more to protect the innocent. Someone give me some hope.