Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Slinkybinky, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Slinkybinky

    Slinkybinky Active Member

    I guess I knew I wouldn't get away with it forever but I thought I was doing an ok job of hiding the weightloss and the downward slide in my mood-guess not then hey? BUSTED big time-Psychologist spotted slide in my eating and my weight and I have been warned-if I can't sustain my weight i think the next stop is hospital....That's not good, dunno how I'm gonna do it but i have to stay out of there.

    Got thrown off a pony on Monday-good excuse to beat myself up about how useless i am and stop retaining what i eat. Landed on my shoulder which is now a lovely shade of purple( fab colour) and bloody painful!!

    My boiler is knackered so I have only luke warm water in the house.Fab.

    Still not divorced-took 1 hour to marry him and over 3 years to get rid of him even though I never did anything wrong-I wasn't the one seeing other people. I never scared him half to death and turned him into a wreck did I? How fair is this??

    watched the story of Karen Carpenter today they said that people with anorexia all have in common that they do not feel loved by anyone(especially their parents) and try so hard to gain their approval and get knocked back so many times they are unreachable. Karens mum told her she loved her for the first time two days before she died. It's so true-I wouldn't believe anyone now I believe I am such a horrible person that I am now unlovable.

    Feel totally exposed-working on core personal beliefs with psychologist so am having to dig deep and face up to some really horrible traumatic stuff-WHEN DID LIFE GET THIS HARD AND WHY?????????

    I can honestly say I have never wished so many times that I just won't wake up in the morning,every time I go to sleep I hope that I don't have to face another day but every day I do...

    have to go and prove to company occ health dept that I am sick on monday-how exciting!

    Finished now sorry.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Never ever be sorry for posting here. Some times it is the best medicine. Just being able to get it off your chest. I know exactly what you mean about the divorce in my 5th year and still haven't signed the bloody papers!!! Please keep posting and letting out anything you want. It is the only way others can help you through this. If nothing else, try to face each new day thinking it could be the one when the divorce is finally done! Take care of yourself and please stay safe.
  3. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    The only thing I can really tell you to do is hate. It kinda a weird way to go, but someone I knew was anorexic and simply told her. "Hate everyone who you tried to appease. Hate everything that gets in your way." Now I know hating people and things is a not the way to go. HOWEVER, by doing this you can stabilize and start eating normal. Because let me tell you, hate makes you pretty damn hungry. I myself would go for weeks without eating. Just drinking water or not at all for a couple of days. But if you hate, if you loath then you begin to realize it's THEM. Not YOU who has has the problem. Just who the hell do they think they are making you feel bad and hate yourself. As per infidelity. Get rid of him. You don't need such useless coffin fodder in your life. Go through your belongings. See what you need and want. Get rid of the things that you don't need. Clean the place where you live and if you can open a window (when it's warm out and bask in the sun while meditating. Some of this is the advice I gave to her and she currently has a Bf of 2 yrs and hasn't relapsed again.
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hey Honey.

    Firstly ouch from the pony!

    Darling I don't really know what to say to you but I wanted you to know I had read this and that I do TRUELY care.

    I can imagine how much you want the divorce the come through. I think it's best for you and Phil for it to come through so that you can both move on.

    You're SO NOT UNLOVEABLE!!!!! Please, try to believe me on that one honey. I love you to bits!

    As for the company doctor its BS hun. And they will realise that. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. They will see that you are not ready to go back to work yet, and V should be able to see that as well!

    I don't know what to say about the anorexia hun. Just know that I am here ANYTIME you want me.

    Love you loads.

    S xoxoxo