I guess I knew I wouldn't get away with it forever but I thought I was doing an ok job of hiding the weightloss and the downward slide in my mood-guess not then hey? BUSTED big time-Psychologist spotted slide in my eating and my weight and I have been warned-if I can't sustain my weight i think the next stop is hospital....That's not good, dunno how I'm gonna do it but i have to stay out of there. Got thrown off a pony on Monday-good excuse to beat myself up about how useless i am and stop retaining what i eat. Landed on my shoulder which is now a lovely shade of purple( fab colour) and bloody painful!! My boiler is knackered so I have only luke warm water in the house.Fab. Still not divorced-took 1 hour to marry him and over 3 years to get rid of him even though I never did anything wrong-I wasn't the one seeing other people. I never scared him half to death and turned him into a wreck did I? How fair is this?? watched the story of Karen Carpenter today they said that people with anorexia all have in common that they do not feel loved by anyone(especially their parents) and try so hard to gain their approval and get knocked back so many times they are unreachable. Karens mum told her she loved her for the first time two days before she died. It's so true-I wouldn't believe anyone now I believe I am such a horrible person that I am now unlovable. Feel totally exposed-working on core personal beliefs with psychologist so am having to dig deep and face up to some really horrible traumatic stuff-WHEN DID LIFE GET THIS HARD AND WHY????????? I can honestly say I have never wished so many times that I just won't wake up in the morning,every time I go to sleep I hope that I don't have to face another day but every day I do... have to go and prove to company occ health dept that I am sick on monday-how exciting! Finished now sorry.