But I really am strong....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by PatienceMarie, Jun 26, 2012.

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  1. PatienceMarie

    PatienceMarie New Member

    Has it ever came to rational thought that some people just aren't meant to be here?
    I'm a happy person. I still don't want to be here.
    We waste tears on love and humanity for what? To be told that "that's the way it is" and "you just have to get used to it"? Why? Why would I want to succumb to these ways of humanity with no heart, with no compassion, with no honesty, just to conform to bitter ways and people that "deal with it"? Why should I pretend it's okay that the rest of the world doesn't love or care for people the way I do? It's not. It's not okay that our love is superfluous. It's not okay for me to want to deal with this. It makes no sense. The one thing we have that separates us isn't our thoughts, or our survival.... it's our emotions. Our emotions shape our thoughts.... our emotions clarify or taint our chance of survival. I really don't think surviving is actually existing here. Sometimes I think surviving is distinguishing your desire to not give up.... not on life.... but on love of everything else.... A big heart isn't worth life..... life doesn't deserve that much affection.
    I'm not you're typical "depressed person" as they like to call it. I'm social. I'm widely liked by most. Most people would tell you I'm the hilight of their friends. I'm hyper, I'm outspoken, and I'm strong...... but I don't want to be here. I've tried to commit suicide many times. I've succeeded once. 450 tylenol pm's. I was revived 3 times. I just simply don't want to be in a world like this. I'm not saying I want to commit suicide. I don't know what I want. I just know I don't want to be here. Why would I want to be a part of humanity and not be able to spot even one human. I've worked in a facility that only handles mentally ill kids for a long time..... I know all the "tricks" and "therapy"...... this is just how I feel.

    I'm highly convinced I shouldn't be here. After so many times of thinking it while happy, sad, angry, inbetween.... maybe being "here" isn't where I'm supposed to be....
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's true that the world can be a hostile place, and it can seem like most people don't care much about each other...but there are still good things in the world. I can always find something to appreciate about life, no matter how depressed I am. You seem like a caring and compassionate person, and it would be a great loss if you were to go. So please stay and talk to us, we will listen and support you through anything.
     
  3. PatienceMarie

    PatienceMarie New Member

    I don't know if I plan on going.....I just know that's how I always feel. Whether it's depressed or happy. I'm 23 so obviously I've fought that feeling pretty well.... I just don't understand anything anymore. I feel like I'm surrounded by people, but I am the only one of my kind. Humanity says so many things I just can't relate to.....Why is everyone this way? I don't understand. I've overcame so much.... and the only thing I can't overcome is humanity.
     
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