But it doesn't even make sense!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ruby, Jan 4, 2008.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Basically I took an overdose almost four weeks ago now and ended up on life support in intensive care. The doctor took me off the antidepressant that I used in the overdose and put me on venlafaxine which seems to be working brilliantly. I certainly seem to be doing a lot more - I have had an enjoyable christmas, had a great new year, have been doing more and just generally been a lot brighter. I don't feel depressed, or at least I don't think I do, but I have this overwhelming urge to commit suicide. I've contemplated throwing myself infront of a speeding train and hanging myself. I just don't understand how people have such an anti suicide view, it doesn't make sense. It's like society has brainwashed people into believing that suicide is a bad thing. People don't want to contradict what is considered to be socially acceptable. Who blames them? Admitting that you're actually pro suicide/choice will lead to you being diagnosed a psychotic and detained under the mental health act. I know this from personal experience. I'm forced into taking medication and attending therapy just because I challenge others beliefs. The psychiatrist actually asked me why I hadn't confided in anyone before I took the overdose :laugh: I wasn't going to store pills up for months only to have them taken off me. I mean, i'm hardly going to tell anybody that i'm going to commit suicide, am I? I didn't mention it on here, on any other forums, to friends, family, mental health professionals because I didn't want to ruin my chances. I should be dead now, I took double the toxic dose (I done my research). Being found completely fucked up my chances of dying. I've never wanted to resort to violent ways of suicide either. I've never wanted to make the headlines or some bizarre statement, I just want to slip away.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    You will be alright
  3. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    The point i'm trying to make is that you're all being brainwashed into being 'pro life'. If society wasn't enforcing this belief onto you, you'd be pro suicide or at least pro choice.
  4. I'm sorry but that's the stupidest thing I heard. It's basic human survivor instinct, we ALL have it from the beginning of time.
  5. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    There's so many websites 'encouraging suicide'. You're seeing things from a distorted view. I'm sure society is to blame.
  6. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I know what i'm talking about. I may seem incoherent but I definitely know what I mean. I think that many people are pro choice or pro suicide but are scared to admit that because of the risk of being detained under the MH act or diagnosed as being schizophrenic. Who mentioned dying? I'm talking about BELIEFS. I'm not talking about the act of suicide itself. And why create an anonymous profile? Psh.
  7. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I don't think people, as a whole, generally think suicide is a 'bad thing,' or are even 'pro life' or even care if someone kills themselves. They just can't understand or are not willing to understand another's very individual perspective of wanting to die.

    The mental/health system is there, by law to protect people who are at risk to themselves but personally, I know they couldn't give a fuck about my life...

    Your psychiatrist again, was talking from a perspective of someone who couldn't possibly ever want to seriously die. He was not engaging with you or listening to you. He assumed that you wanted someone to save you so you should have confided in someone.

    I find certain ways of thinking very patronising- especially the therapy/medication offered by the NHS. It's their paternalistic view of "I know what is right for you" "I know why you're feeling like this," without engaging with you as an individual.

    I suppose this is where your values and the values of your psychiatric team are in conflict. Personally, they drive me crazy. I've felt like you before, feeling great and wanting to kill myself (mainly because I couldn't stand the thought of falling into depression/anorexia with no help again).

    There are people who will engage with you, and listen to you and your reasons for wanting to die because they do sound important to you and you don't sound like anybody has really been listening- they all seem to be talking from another planet. I found one of these people (and she was very rare I think, she worked at a charity) to be outside of the mental health system, if you are ever interested in approaching anyone who will listen to you talk about yourself and your feelings without people preaching at you or detaining you.
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I can see where you're coming from... Anyone who deviants from the norm can be socially excluded and are looked at strangely. It can be about any subject. Just like crime, I guess.. we're taught committing a crime is wrong, but it's only a crime because it isn't what we call normal, moral behaviour. We're bought up to be "normal", and anyone who isn't classed as "normal" often gets "punished" of some sort.
  9. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I don't trust any mental health professionals and haven't since I was 'sectioned' a few years back.
  10. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I don't either. I know exactly what to not tell them. The last time I was in hospital I was physically sick but had to argue my way all the way through about medication and my feelings of contamination/poison and how they weren't 'psychotic' (to my standards)...it was tiring and just pathetic why I needed to do all that when I was so physically unwell.
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2008
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