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But who's listening?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MkG, Jun 24, 2007.

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  1. MkG

    MkG Guest

    Hello all.

    I never really considered that i might suffer from depression till about a year ago. Unhappy all the time, anxious about anything and everything. Fortunately i had a longterm relationship with a girl then, even though we really weren't made for each other, just having someone there for me really helped me through some tough times. I still had suicidal thoughts, but i couldn't stand to hurt her, she kept me alive.

    However, i split up after 2 and half years a couple of months ago, and even though it was the right thing to do, recently ive been struggling. When i first became single i went clubbing virtually every night and left with whatever girl payed me the most attention, i just wanted someone. Now due to finances i've had to stop going out to town and im just working. I feel very low. To make matters worse i got caught drink driving by the police last night and now feel super ashamed, and generally worried about what everyone will think. After i left the police station i wandered into the woods in the pouring rain to have my 2nd suicide attempt. The branch snapped, i fell to the floor. As i lay there on my back i told myself that i couldnt do it, not yet anyway. So today ive lay in bed, cried, felt lonely and isolated. I dont know how i can face the rest of my life. I feel worthless since i dont really have any real problems.

    Ive been having CBT, but thats not working. Tomorrow im ordering some antidepressants.

    Sorry to have rambled on, i just felt like i had to get some things off my chest. I desperately wanted to tell people about how i feel, i dont feel i can tell my friends, and i have no significant other to lean on anymore.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    How far are you in the CBT? Are you doing the things they suggest like changing critical thinking into something positive? Your on antidepressants I assume because you said you were going to over dose on them well antidepressants can cause suicidal thoughts did you have suicidal thoughts before you started taking them?
  3. MkG

    MkG Guest

    ive got one session left, its kind of helped, hard to tell. Im not actually on antidepressants yet, im considering going on them you see, i dont plan to overdose on them.
  4. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    Oh crap I'm so sorry I read that as overdoseing >< I misread things all the time partly dislexic.
  5. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i have heard what you said. i know how lonely life can feel even with many others around. i do want to say here :welcome: to sf. we will do whatever we can to support u. we don't want to see you go anywhere. i'm in dbt pretty much the same thing as cbt it's good. give it a chance. it takes some time. the anti depressants might help as well. they may actually make things a little worse at first but just grin and bare it and it will get better. please take care
  6. themuffinman

    themuffinman Member

    Get a cat. Trust me... it will help. It seems like you have to love some one to feel loved/needed. Im the same way. Get a cat. They are fun, loving and caring. They might shead alot, but they dont mouth back. ;)

    I have a cat and everytime I see the little poop machine I smile because I know, that she will be there till she dies.

    P.S. Dont get a dog... you have to train them to love. When a cat has to build trust to love.
  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, I'm listening and so are other people, welcome to SF I hope it's a help to you. I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling and that you attemped suicide so recently. I'm glad it snapped and you are still here today. It gives us more time to help and support and try and prove to you that things can get better.

    I'm glad you're receiving outside support for your depression and are in CBT. I don't know much about it but if it's helping you, can you continue with CBT? Or can you only have so many sessions? You say you have ordered some antidepressants and I'm sorry if this sounds like a stupid question, which I'm sure it is, but are you getting them from a doctor? The word 'ordered' automatically made me think you have bought them online or some place else off someone and I hope I wasn't right when I thought that.

    Do you have anyone such as friends or family you can talk to? You say you are working now and not partying, but how about saving a bit of money each week or fortnight to go out and enjoy yourself?

    If your work itself is making you feel more depressed have you thought about changing your job or maybe even taking a different route to work each day. It may sound silly but the same old routine every day can get you down and if you take a different route to work or go somewhere else for your lunch etc it may make you feel a bit better about your work.

    Take care of yourself.
  8. MkG

    MkG Guest

    it depends, my mental health worker thinks im around the stage to be finishing. The antidepressants were from somewhere else other than my doctor, but im now undecided on whether to get any.

    About the going out every once in a while. I really shouldn't for the time being. Things get out of hand and at the end of the night its either go get lots of drugs, or go to a random girls house. I cant be bothered with that anymore, just want to stay in and relax. University in september, just got to hold out until then..
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