but...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scum, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    WHAT ABOUT ME!!!????!!!

    WHO IS THERE WHEN I NEED SOMEONE??!?!?!?!?

    Who actually genuinely cares?

    Who will actually hear?​


    No one. Scum is there for everyone. No one is there for Scum.

    It's always about someone else but what about me?

    (and before anyone gets any ideas, this is completely unrelated to the forum, which is why I've posted it here).​


    I'm angry.

    I'm bitter.

    I'm scared.

    And I'm very, very alone.



    Why am I not allowed someone?

    Why am I too worthless to help?​


    I wish I understood.​


    I need to overdose.​


    It would ease it all
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand scum...I feel the same way.
    they take, take, take and never give back..
    we care about you..:hugtackles:
    Whats happened?
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    *squishes tight* Thank you for replying :)

    Nothing in particular other than I'm in a bad way, really need some help, very distressed a lot of the time, on the verge of overdosing (but not wanting to) and there is no one I can turn to, no one who can or would help me, no one that would reach out to me. I've tried too much to reach out and be rebuffed.

    I tried to tell the nurse at the surgery last week and she just said 'well, come back iff you feel worse' but she doesn't get that what's worse than this is the dissociation and then the overdose anyway. I told her, she knows, but people think I can control it, but when it gets worse, I can't. I dont have the power of conscious thought.

    I'm very scared of myself. I'm very alone. I'm totally desperate for someone to hear and to help.
     
  4. TheOncomingStorm

    TheOncomingStorm Well-Known Member

    I hope you are ok! My PM box is always open! :hug:
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thank you :) That's very kind of you :) :hug:

    I don't have anything to say anymore though. I just need someone to help me when I'm distressed and someone who can help me stay safe. I'm very, very appreciative of your offer though :) So thank you so much.
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just replying so you know you're being listened to, and I care. I wish there was something I could do to help you stay safe.
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sorry you are struggling. I think the docs think I can control my impulsivity but I cant and I am absolutely nowhere. I hear you and I am listening.
     
  8. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Can you try going to a different surgery to find support? You should tell them clearly that you cannot cope at the best of times, even if you can. It might push them to help you more.
    I hope you start to feel better soon, and you can always PM me if you need to rant or anything like that.
     
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys :) Very much so. there is no option for a different surgery and they feed the same CMHT anyway (who won't touch me with a barge pole).

    Having a bad day today. All the stuff I normally do to stay grounded isn't working. Thinking maybe of going to the docs and just walking in and saying but the last two times I have been in crisis and the crisis team have been involved, they have been so rude they actually triggered the dissociations I was trying to fight and I ended up ODing. Which defeats the whole point. Can't work out if I'm better alone.

    Maybe I need to go with it yet try to keep some control, and go to the massive bridge nearby and climb it because sound brings me back and there is a lot of noise up there, I've never gotten very far over it before being brought back to myself and be able to leave.
     
  10. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry things are hard. People here including me will try to help. PM if you wish.

    The bridge sounds like it may not be very healthy?

    Bad luck about your surgery being so unhelpful. Its not good when those who are there to help become part of the problem.

    You are important to people who you support in your day to day life, those you speak of as being there for. Do they not appreciate and reciprocate?