Let me tell you everything about my glorios life. When I was little I was totally oblivious to the real world. WHen I was 8 I watched my dad beat my mother into a bloody pulp and destroy the house, and attempt to set it on fire with us inside. My mother is a closet lesbian. On a few occasions there were strangers at my house (women) with my mom. After the fight, my mom moved out and out of he three kids I went with her. My mom is a severe alcoholic and she can never understand what she is doing to us. For years it has been constant fighting with her. My dad said she was in a pretty severe car accident and ever since then she has changed. I am not here to blame it all on my mom. Lets list off all the things i hate about myself 1.Socially awkward 2.Absolute 0 self esteem 3.Starting to lose my hair at age 16 4.Never had girlfriend 5.Overweight 6.Lost all my friends 7.I have become a mean person ANyways i'm 20 now. I have a horrible job because I dropped out of highschool because of depression. Money is always an issue. My mom is 60, and not working. Careless spending and work has turned me into a complete asshole. I just got into another fight with her, at the climax of the fight I told her how easy it is to buy a gun online. I also told her I will shoot her, along with everyone else in my family before shooting myself. When she asked "why" I said "because nobody deserves to live like this." Brother and sister are both very much depressed. I know my brother is suicidal. He sits in the basement all day and never comes out and talks to us anymore. He is 26 now and never worked. My dad is depressed, he doesnt show it often, but I know he is. My mom has been on social assistance for 2 years straight now. SHe spends her money on cigarettes, and alcohol. She is on a self destructive course and nothing any of us say matters anymore. My mom wants to die too it seems. I just need to tell people my issues. I want to kill myself, I really do. But the fear of death is whats keeping me from doing it.