Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, May 29, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    o_O? What is up?
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I hope you are safe. Hugs to you.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    What's going on? Please keep talking to us...
  5. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    No! Don't! Please just hold on...
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Spidy was on chat this morning. I have been waiting to see if there would be a follow up post here, but so far not. Spidy... hang tight there, man. Come on back and talk to us.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    come back and talk to us
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Nooo Gav, please come back and talk to us!! :hug:
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Everything has just got to much i m falling apart but am expected to be well.Just cant go get help or admit myself as everyone seems to have control over my actions except me.Seems nobody around me takes me serious.I m over this whole thing called life as mine isnt mine seems its everybody elses.I feel trapped and ive rebuilt the wall i hide behind.Seems every little emotion has been sucked out of me but hey as long as i dont fall apart as it seems i should be able to handle everything alone.So0 fucking tired drained stressed out of control.Everyday is a battle to do anything and to stay strong yet i break down and cant see any point in anything.Saw my councillor this morn had a gut full of theories and what i should and shouldnt be doing.I get real big dizzy spells lately as i just seem to be overloaded with shit.I m bloody scared very confused and really cant see any other alternative as i m sick and tired of falling and things just always spiraling out of control.I am putting alot of thought into doing what i have planned.Really feel so trapped behind a big wall always seems 1 step forward and 10 back.Dont know anymore
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    maybe you need to talk to your GP Gav asap,...,about the dizzy spells and the depression and thoughts....
    it probably couldn't make things any worse?
    or get yourself to ER

    I can hear you're overwhelmed but there must be a way to get you the support you need, to help you through all thats' going on in your life
    there's a lot to deal with and you know we're here for you but sounds like more support in 'real life' is what you need

    perhaps your meds can be adjusted, or psyche services can offer home visits (they do in Oz)
    maybe call a crisis line, talk to the Salvos..anything that will give you an outlet when you feel alone
    don't give up spidy....please don't give up
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Is there any way you can see a different counselor? It might not hurt to get another opinion, see if they could suggest anything that hasn't been offered yet.

    As IV2010 said, it does seem like you need help IRL right now. But we're here for you too, and if there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask.
  12. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Say here all day bveen online for over 24hrs yet with all my thoughts it is time i am unwell.I feel like a prick and letting lots down but i really really have had enough of lifes shit.This fucking qall i can knock a couple of bricks out yet they get put back.So FUCK IT
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    FUCKhats is meant WALL
  14. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Dosnt matter nothing is right cant evenn use a key board FUCK IT
  15. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m over help.My head is just to fucked up.I m feeling right now ive let so many down.I am sorry but I have gone through every detail of my life.I have made my plan and started to put things into place so when it takes effect things can be easily sorted for those left behind.Cant get my thoughts to slow down have had massive chest pains today also and some more dizzy spells and plus just down right emotional pain.
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    spidy please go to your doctor

    maybe you have anxiety attacks ....he can help with that

    sounds like you need something extra to take away the anxiety...are you taking anything for that?
    I have anti anxiety meds that I take at night ..just a small dose ..and they also help me sleep

    I worry not only for you but for your daughters!
    how will they survive without their Dad..

    nothing will be easily sorted if you take your life..
    your children will carry that with them forever

    the loss of my son this way has destroyed my life and I'm on a forum for 'suicide grief' and the children of 'suicides' suffer immensely
    I know things are more than overwhelming but I believe with some more help and support you can get through this

    I was where you are last christmas and never thought I would survive..
    meds and counseling have helped me and I wish it would help you also

    hold on mate..we're here for you :hug:
  17. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am here for basically the exact same reason.
    NOTHING... NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING is more important than our children. I would cut off my arms with a rusty saw and blind myself with a pencil if it meant it would save any of my children.

    Think twice and if not for yourself... then for them.
  18. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I havnt done anything silly ive calmed my emotions down a bit.Everything is just getting on top of me.Just seem to never be able to get things on track and when I do get things reasonable whack get hit with a ton more.Guess im just going to have to accept that i will always be fighting something.I dont like getting suicidal as it scares the crap out of me and drains all my rational thinking.knowing that I have to get myself through these irrational times is also frightening as i cannot go to er as they will admit me into hosp which the ex will pull the same shit again of not letting me have access to my kids.I have alot of issues i m trying to process a the moment I also feel like the biggest hypocrite with posting what i have in the above posts.Sleep has seem to become a huge prob again.It seems in real life i m here for everyone but when I tend to fall everyone scatters and i m left dealing with huge emotional probs on my own.Not having anyone to turn too sometimes can become very daunting.I am very strong willed but can fall real hard too but I try not to let things drive me to this yet I do have a bad habit of holding things in which eventually all becomes too much.Sorry ive rambled on so much just needed to get some things down.
  19. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey spidy apologies necessary..I understand
    we're always here to support you as best we can..and to just listen if thats what you need

    is there anything that helps when you're stressed? like walking or something to let some of that negative energy out?
    hitting a punching bag maybe?
    what would work for you?

    keep reminding yourself that your kids need their Dad Gav and hold on through the tough times for them if you won't do it for yourself
    I know its crappy having to do that but i can hear you don't want your kids to feel anymore pain ,,(I hear how much you care about them)
    but thats what happens with a suicide loss
    the 'survivors' get left with the pain

    will you still talk to your GP and see if there is any adjustment to be made with your meds?
    take care of yourself ok :hug:

    just thought ..this is my latest mantra..
    "dear life, when I said it couldn't get any wasn't a challenge"
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2012
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I just want you to know that you aren't a hypocrite. :hug: It's OK to need support, and to reach out for it. That's why we're here. I know it isn't the same as having support IRL, but lots of us care about you.
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