so, i think the "relationship" with my gf is breaking up and before she fell in love with me i was gonna kill myself. (she fell in love with me when i was in hospital/pward...go figure... probably not the best way to develop healthy relationships lol).... Now i was happy for a few weeks, like cloud 9 "im in love" biochemicals but we keep fighting now.. she gives me shit about being depressive and not caring for her which is kinda legitame but tbh nothing i feel i can change anything about in the short term. My life has turned into a nightmare since end of 2009, i have debt and now even lost my home.. i really dont feel like keeping on fighting. I always gave my best, worked like a dog and overdelivered ..just have no power anymore. i now live at a friends place near the woods and there is this bridge where i will hang myself sometime soon. Just waiting for a good moment ..probably at night. i feel the timing is good because the illusion of a relationhip or anything external saving me from my depression is gone now..for good i lost my hope about helping myself or docs helping me after those two years too.. most of my friends arent worth shit and my family is to blame for most of my problems ..so no hard feelings actually im really happy to go and get this over with..