called helpline, freaked and hung up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lav11, Nov 27, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    lasted a whole 1 minute and thirty one seconds of the phone riging before i ended the call.
    i cant do it, i should be dead! why arent i dead! i wish i was..

    and plus what would i say, i want to die because im disguisting and gross and cant stop bingeing, but of course everyone tells me its all in my head, that im really underweight and its just the eating disorder talking but thats just part of the joke.. lets all make the fat kid think they need to gain weight!

    stuff it, who cares, im over it.. i cant ever lose the amount i want to, i can never be happy, or healthy or perfect. no point calling a helpline, theyll just call the cops and try and keep fat disguisting me alive just a little longer
     
  2. Please keep posting here and please stay safe. You can try the chat room also. :hug: please stay safe. :)
     
  3. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    im just over all this :'(
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What you say is that you are in so much emotional pain and you need to just talk to someone for awhile You just need to know you are not alone Hugs to you
     
  5. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    thanks
     
  6. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Oh hon, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I also have a binge eating disorder, and I know how bad it makes you feel.

    Do you have a therapist to talk to? You deserve to have a good life and be happy, and I hope you can find a way to deal with the pain you are feeling.
     
  7. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    In my opinion, when calling a crisis (or suicide) hotline, it is not as though you should be reading from a script; those hotlines are there for a reason, so it should not matter what you say to the operator on the other end when you are in dire need of talking to someone, because they are there to lend a sympathetic ear and kind words that hopefully will guide you through your time of need. Plus, you have to remember that they have heard everything time and again and are not bothered or worried about 'pleasantries' when calling. I know just how you feel about calling then hanging up, it is difficult to deal with whatever is causing problems for you, but it is even more difficult to talk about them, to friends and family and even more so to faceless strangers on the other end of a phone line; that is natural for everyone, because you are opening yourself up and exposing your greatest weaknesses, in complete contrast to what society constantly tells everyone of bucking up and handling problems yourself, but you should not let fear or worry get to you, because, after all, no one can survive life on their own without a little help from other people around them. It is the basis of Human civilisation to help each other out when we most need it.
    If you ever need anything, feel free to give us a shout any time of the day or night - we both are from australia and it is the Aussie way of helping each other out, that is what mates are for, right?
     
  8. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    First all many hugs to you! I also have Binge Eating Disorder and know its not "all in your head'

    Most hotlines will only call the police/911 if they deem you are a direct threat to yourself. Just because you tell them you are having suicidal thoughts or feelings doesnt mean they will automatically call them. However if they do then thats for the best. I have called a couple times and felt better after just talking to a stranger that I felt wouldnt judge me and they didnt call the police.


    Reach out in your local community for a good therapist/support group/doctor until you find SOMEONE who will treat you with respect and dignity. If they tell you your a hypochondriac or its all "just in your head" then they are not a good person to work with. Keep talking here and I promise you LIFE can be better!

    Take good care of you!
     
  9. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    thanks

    i do have a face to face counsellor however she is on holiday at the moment and just told me before she left that she would put me in hospital if i got any worse..

    i dont have binge eating disorder, actually anorexic, but when my counsellor threatened to put me in hospital for being at a dangerous weight i freaked out, got lost in wanting to recover and continue loseing weight, this meant i decided to fast but then ended up constantly bingeing through out the day because i think this is what recovery is...

    kidshelpline is very jumpy when it comes to calling the police i find.. ive called up before and ended up saying i was fine but then they get a call saying that i attempted straight after from the police.. thats happened a few times, and they have it on file that when im at risk i call and then say im fine which means they call the cops on me half the time i call :3
     
  10. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi Lav, we care about you a lot.. really do.. yes that calling the helpline and they sic the police on you is the pits adn not fair.. i have been talking to crisis lines forever and the one time i was talkling suicide there the police were knocking on my door few minutes later.. they saved my life so hold no bad feelings about it. tween the help line and your counselor being on a hosopitalization kick is not fair to you.. having some good help that you can be just you and not get an extreme response does not help you much at all..

    Lav thanks for posting here.. glad you felt safe enuf to come out from behind the walls and doors and just be you and say it.. this has gone good for you so far and remember that is ok to talk on here.. i binge with crud food smetimes and other times food has no interest for me at all.. sounds like you do the same.. we need to figure out how to do moderation adn do take in some good nourishment on a regular schedule. that is what your counselor and you need work on together..

    you take care hon.. Jim :semi-twins:
     
  11. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    thanks,
    called kidshelpline last night and spoke to my regular counsellor there.. it was fine until bout the 30 minute mark..
    i was hopeing to avoid talking too much about food but we did and it just went horrible... she kept sayig if my counsellor is suggesting hospital then maybe its a good idea and how i do have an eatig disorder or definately sound like i do (seeing as she cant see me she doesnt know my weight or anything)... i cant help but denying it, i think its silly, i dont have an eating disorder, they can diagnose me with everything under the sun but i feel like im just trying to lose a little bit of weight, doesnt mean i have anorexia??
    anyways i flipped out, crying about how horrible i am and i dont have an ED but i should never have even started trying to lose weight again and that im just exhausted with it all, tired of constantly fighting myself and how there is no point...
    police an hospital got chucked in, i ws being irrational as always, and now im expected to call through out the week possibly get adult mental and health (over the weekends and at nights when child mental health is unavailable) called to check in and me to call back next week when she is working again..

    blah, i feel so pathetic.. at least they didnt call the cops ! the lady who i spoke to is generally really good with not calling them as shes been speaking to me for a number of years and is really nice and understanding... otheer workers who dont know me though.. maybe not going to call them through out the week :3
     
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