I called crisis team. The woman was nice. She just said a long the lines of that I may be struggling but there is something in me that makes me not want to. I didn't tell her that was because I was planning and had made plans for another night. Basically she wants me to call her back in an hour. I told her I tried all the things said. I said I would watch Holby City for the next hour. I have gathered the needs to try again tonight but it goes against my plans. I don't know why I am so set on the particilar night. I know if I attempt tonight me not turning up to appointments with Sam tomorrow will raise concerns. She knows how I am feeling so she would probably end up calling police if I didn't turn up and didn't answer phone. So I want to keep my plans for the same. Also. It's planned. I feel easy about it. I don't feel easy about tonight.