Called

[GoldenPsych]

I called crisis team.

The woman was nice. She just said a long the lines of that I may be struggling but there is something in me that makes me not want to. I didn't tell her that was because I was planning and had made plans for another night.

Basically she wants me to call her back in an hour. I told her I tried all the things said. I said I would watch Holby City for the next hour.

I have gathered the needs to try again tonight but it goes against my plans.

I don't know why I am so set on the particilar night. I know if I attempt tonight me not turning up to appointments with Sam tomorrow will raise concerns. She knows how I am feeling so she would probably end up calling police if I didn't turn up and didn't answer phone.

So I want to keep my plans for the same. Also. It's planned. I feel easy about it. I don't feel easy about tonight.

 

[Butterfly]

GP,

To me is sounds like you are crying out for help. You have been as honest as you can be with the health professionals telling them you are actively suicidal. You must not give up this fight. I know you are dead set against hospital as you have worked in some and have seen what they are like. I have too. I would be so frightened of what the people who I worked with thought, it would be awkward and I am set against it myself. But I know if I was in a state where I was not safe and a danger to myself it would have to be the best option. You have so much going for you. I am sure you know that you dont have to be sectioned. Try going to hospital as a voluntary patient. If it really is the wrong decision then yiu can leave and they cant do anything to stop you. If you keep attempting then they will seriously consider sectioning you and I know it is the last thing you want. Get help. Talk to crisis. Go to a and e if needs be but I think deep down yiu dont want it to succeed.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I am more scared of being sectioned or being in hospital than I am of dying.

That is why I called them tonight.

It has been mentioned that I may have to have a MHA before. I've had one in the past but DR T mentioned it a while ago and I think it has been mentioned recently.

I am more scared of being in hospital than I am of dying. That's not right realy.

 

[Butterfly]

But why is being in hospital worse than dying? Death is permanent and it causes hurt and pain amongst other. Your suffering will live through them. I know it is so cliche to say that but it does. It can be viewed as selfish of me saying think about the hurt you could cause others and I accept that. But if you really needed hospital treatment, if it came to that, it could be the start of your recovery. A proper diagnosis. The right meds. The right therapy. That is what you need. I hope you can get that without attempting. Keep badgering crisis and your CPN and your GP. Get referred to another psych. I know it is easy for me to say and it is hard to do, but if needs be you need to fight your fear of being hospitalised if you need it. It is not the end of the world. Yiu will not be judged.

 

[Stranger1]

Hey Goldenpsych,
Lexi has a point.. You can go in voluntary and when you feel ready you can leave.. I've been in the hospital ten times. the worst thing about them is all the waiting.. No one here wants to see anything happen to you.. You have a sence of humor when you want to..Please dispose of your method.. You don't have to do this..It's never to late to change your mind.. Get some help... Let us support you.. I know we have never talked but if you need someone to talk to then PM me.. I'm a good listener and never repeat what others tell me.. Tkae Care!!

 

[GoldenPsych]

Maybe if I hadn't have worked in the hospital I would possibly consider it. Especially over the next couple of weeks, but I would worry if I went in voluntarily and tried to leave they would slap me with a S5.4. It happened to my friend.

 

[roscho]

GP,

There is an old saying - that in my late years I can only barely remember - but I thank you greatly for reminding me of it.....

As St. Augustine said, "I cried for boots, till I saw a man who had no legs."

 

[Butterfly]

I think your problem with hospital is because you have worked in them you are thinking up of the worst possible scenarios that you think could happen to you if you went. In my mental health placement people did some really crazy things and crazy methods, one guy sticks out for me the most and these people were all voluntary patients and not sectioned and the doctors were not even considering salpping 5(2)s and 5(4)s on them. You must not fear the worst. If you want to leave, you want to leave. They cannot stop you as a voluntary patient if you just pack up your things and go.