Calling a hotline

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by howsthat, Sep 15, 2009.

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  1. howsthat

    howsthat Member

    I called a hotline last night.

    The first time I've used it.

    But it felt so wrong-talking a stranger.

    I asked them if the conversation would be confidential.

    He says 'well, I have to be honest with you--if I think you are going to hurt yourself-I will call the authorities and get you help. Are you thinking of killing yourself right now?'

    What the F...?

    Why else would I be calling?

    So, I hung up on him. Then I sat all night, perfectly still--tried to not move at all.
    Not a muscle. Afraid that if I did, motion would lead me over the edge.
    Who can understand that, and talk to you, without making you feel even more like a failure?

    How do you step away from the feelings and pain, and shake yourself back into living?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't understand why you hung up. If you did not want themto call anyone just say youwould not kill yourself just talk and say i have feeling of not wanting to be here but won't act on them Please talk to me to help me decrease my pain and lonliness Please understand they only want to help you they care. If you were going to kill yourself they would want to stop you so you would get the care you need and deserve. I hope you can trust that they truly want the best for you I am glad you came here for support
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Heya howsthat,

    You could always contact the samaritans / 08457909090 (UK) or email

    Everything you tell them is totally confidential.
    (this is quoted from the website I gave earlier)

  4. howsthat

    howsthat Member

    I don't know what I was expecting. Like this is supposed to be a big heal all solution--

    I wasn't exactly rational, anyway.

    I just kept thinking, it would be so easy to jump-no one is around. No one can stop me.

    I wasn't wanting someone to tell me they would stop me.

    I wanted someone to say-it's ok to let go. Just do it, jump, and your reasons for not, are not worth the hesitation.

    I wasn't looking for someone to talk me out of it.

    I was looking for someone to tell me-it's ok
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The purpose of the hotline is to help you through the urges and feelings, not to tell you it is okay to act on them. That is why they are called a crisis line. To help you get through the crisis. No one wants to see you harm yourself. :hug:
  6. howsthat

    howsthat Member

    I know no one wants to see me harm myself, I'm ok with that-I can do it on my own.

    I think I will soon anyway. But I need to hear it's ok to let go of the things that hurt to leave behind. Obviously I can't take them with me.

    I just want quiet. Darkness that is pure and not convoluted with painful memories and guilt.

    I just want to die, but my body won't let me. It's betraying me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2009
  7. AliBlack

    AliBlack Member

    I do know how it feels to not want to be here anymore, how it feels to feel totally alone, to feel you have no hope. I would like to just not be here anymore, I feel I have lost everything that really mattered. I would like a way out because I want the fear, pain, horror, frustration, anger, dread, depression, suicidal thoughts to stop. But feel I don't have the courage to end it.
    Maybe a small part of me somewhere thinks it's possible things might get better and that I DO have the courage to carry on.
    I have heard other people who survived a suicide attempt say that they are glad they didn't succeed because their life did improve in the end.
    I guess what I'm saying is; there is always hope, whether or not we can see it at the time.
    You are important and worthwhile.
    Are you seeing a therapist?
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