I called a hotline last night. The first time I've used it. But it felt so wrong-talking a stranger. I asked them if the conversation would be confidential. He says 'well, I have to be honest with you--if I think you are going to hurt yourself-I will call the authorities and get you help. Are you thinking of killing yourself right now?' What the F...? Why else would I be calling? So, I hung up on him. Then I sat all night, perfectly still--tried to not move at all. Not a muscle. Afraid that if I did, motion would lead me over the edge. Who can understand that, and talk to you, without making you feel even more like a failure? How do you step away from the feelings and pain, and shake yourself back into living?