calling all 20 something guys

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Terry, Feb 16, 2011.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok, here's the problem.
    Beloved son, age 27, been a shut in for the last 8 years......has gone and fallen head over heels for my she's his second cousin.
    So......I have a 27 year old mooching round the house like a love sick 16 year old and am sick to death with worry.
    He don't eat, he barely sleeps and is looking like someone stole his favourite toy.
    So far I've avoided saying anything much, but his face is getting longer (since she hasn't phoned) he aint eating........and I'm worried sick.
    So guys how do i handle this?
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    You remember what it was like and let go a bit!
    Its all part of life and learning how to deal with love........... and the lack of it!!!
    Easy for me to say i know, mine are so young!
    All you can do is massage his ego a bit and let him get on with it.
    27 already seems an age ago to me but its only fifteen years, i had falllen in love so many times by then, but in reality had little contact, ha ha.
    If it was my son at that age, i guess i would encourage him to move forward with it, as he desires, or is the second cousin thing a problem to you and others?
    I wish you well, oneday i will have to deal with it too! so what do i know!
  3. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    I don't know, Terry, but I think you should have an open talk with him and with her, separate. You should show, specially to him, the reality. And to her, what's going on with him.

    Maybe after you should ask them to go out together, so they can talk with each other about things they should discuss about.

    I hope it can help you somehow...
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    oh ok, maybe i read that all wrong terry, if i did i meant no harm, im sorry,
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Nope u didnt read it wrong.
    The whole cousin thing is no problem, its legal and genetically viable.
    But, even tho she's a year younger than him, because of his not going out and having a normal life, she is infinetly more experienced than him.
    When he gave her his number, she was like "but we're cousins" so i take it she's not the girl blind! I mean we are talking a dish here old Mole is beautiful to behold even if he is a moody GIT! :laugh:
    The problem is because this is the first girl he's ever shown any interest in he's fallen hard.
    She hasnt now i have the equivalent of a 16 year old in the grip of a crush...27 or not, emotionally and sexually he's still a teenager.
    My biggest fear is that this will make him retreat back into WOW (world of warcraft) and his bedroom, just as he's finally accepted therapy....truthfully....I could wring her bloody neck :dry:
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Don't really have much experience in this field being still quite young myself, but just wanted to say that I have a brother who is much the same - you can only get him off WoW when there's a female involved otherwise you won't see him for dust. I'd suggest talking to him and seeing if he can talk about it with her, settle the whole "but we're cousins" thing and see where she may or may not want to take it. You could try talking to her yourself but I worry that might embarass or humiliate him, having his mother intervene in that way on his behalf. At the end of the day though you've just got to let him get on with it, and hope it all works out for the best. D=
  7. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Let him cry about it? If he's mature enough, he may realize the pointlessness in moping over a relationship that won't work and get over his little "heartbreak" after a few crying sessions. (From personal experience, it took me two weeks to get over the stupidness of it)

    If he's really sensitive, tell him that there are tons of other girls out there... make it a little more hopeful for him.

    Give him your attention, let him know that you care. If you could take him out to the mall... do so... have a little mom and son moment... Supportive family members really important for recovery
  8. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    i am 22 and currently in the same situation:rolleyes:

    I cant sleep nor feel hungry .

    My sweetie hasn't spoken to me today.

    However i am still in a better mood than other days by forcing/pressurising myself to do some fun works in a light way and those little accomplishments really lifts up the mood. Trust me.Like going shopping,withdrawing cash,going for a long drive ...

    this is how i handled myself today.

    Feel free (anyone) to pm me. I am always there for you.

  9. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Slap him once or twice on the face!!! get real
  10. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Maybe someone should slap you once or twice in the face? theres no reason for you to be that rude to someone asking for advice with how to deal with their son, your advice was neither polite or helpful.

    You need to sit down with him and try have a talk with him, might not be the easiest thing for him to talk about but you should explain that you're concerned he might slip back into how he was just a few months ago. He's come a long way. I'm guessing from her reaction that she's not interested as they are cousins but maybe you could talk to her? make her aware of what he's going through and maybe she could strike up a better friendship with him which i think will help him with a few different things. You know where i am i you need to talk :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2011
  11. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    For gods sake he is 27 years old. If you treat someone like a child they will act like one
  12. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    You have absolutely NO clue as to what his situation is. Giving someone a slap across the face and telling them to get real is not gonna solve his situation.
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Jota take yourself out of this thread if u have nothing constructive to say :mad:
  14. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    I got hit hard last year with a cousin crush. I still have feelings for her, but I know she is not interested. It takes a long time to get over a first real crush. Sometimes I tell my cousin goodnight. Don't know if it is from my old crush or because I love her like a cousin. I say you should help him get into a community college or something. There are tons of beautiful girls there and it took me a while, but I found myself attracted to other girls, and less depressed again.
  15. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks Darksider, thats exactly what I am trying to do in the hope that he'll realise there are so many girls out there, meanwhile I'm just trying to weather the miserable soul that he is at the moment :laugh:
  16. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Terry I think the important thing is for him to realise that even at 27 time is still not a factor...I've relatively recently been through my first 'involved' crush for want of a better phrase - aged 21 - and it is sickening when you realise it cannot work....I assume she does not feel the same way about him - if so then he will work through it, if he comes to you about it - talk it over - if he doesn't then don't stress on sounds trite but people do work things out for themselves, the therapy may be a helpful factor in this too...

  17. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    erm okay so this is what we did when my friend had a similar situation.
    a bit weird but yeah, you could leave the old episode set of baywatch or any tv series with lots of scantily clad, well endowed females frolicking in the waves and, erm, you get the idea.
    he wont immedietely watch, what with his lingering feelings of pseudo loyalty, but you could just leave the tv running with said women frolicking, etc etc. after all he is a guy, at some point he'll take notice of the fact that there are plenty of women out there, in the world even if not in the near vicinity. :p
    my friend spent a week moping, then we kinda forced him into Baywatch therapy, took him 3 days to snap out of it. :p :p :p
    all the best!! :)
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2011
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