Calling and futility

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mitochondrion, Mar 7, 2009.

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  1. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    Hello everyone. I'm new on this forum, and it might be somewhat selfish to start off with a self-centered post instead of helping others, but I feel my recent thoughts fit in quite well.
    Over the past year, I have re-thought many things, and more and more failed to see the ultimate point in life. It just seems like one big futile cycle to me, that results in eventual death and eradication of all memories. If that is so, then the question is, why bother to live at all in first place? I currently continue to live because there are still some things I want to learn, simply out of academic interest, and some questions I want to answer, but after that, why should I stay any longer here?
    I'd like to emphasise that I'm not in pain; I don't feel sad. I have a pretty good life right now. I just don't see any sense in living anymore.
    Thank you for listening.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    No problem on posting - it allows others to show just how altruistic they are :tongue:. Are you suicidal or just philosophically neutral to death? Life has no point in a supreme sense. However, whatever people want to make out of it is cool and a valid point to go about.

    If I had it my way, I'd just live my life by the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I've got Fitzgerald's the Beautiful And Damned in front of me. I'm reading a story written by a dead man. Does it affect Fitzgerald? Not really. But maybe. I don't know the answer to any ultimate question.
  3. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    Haha. Altruistic people use to be pleasant people.
    Well, I am seriously pondering suicide, not in the immediate, but in the foreseeable future, so yes, I guess you could say I'm suicidal. However, unlike most people walking on that path I am not thinking about it because I was in pain, or anything was wrong with my life, but because it all seems meaningless to me. It does not seem to make any difference if I die now or in seventy or seven hundred years, so why not take the shortcut.
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Well.. You're going to die. So why not stop by Mount Everest, the Sahara dessert, Paris, and a glory hole if you have the extra time? Suicide is painful, gross, or painful and gross, or painful, gross, and you lose your ability to think before you die.

    Your body has gone through millions of years of evolution - mostly developing nerves to tell you just how painful dying is. Ask most people who have survived - I don't think there's many pleasant stories of "final" moments.
  5. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I've thought the same thing you do many times. I eventually realized that I was placing more importance on other people rather than the overlords. I tried to be the Christian person... For me, it didn't work.. It made me sad. Although I'm still down with all that if it works for you.. The overlords AKA gods are truly mysterious just like in all those old tales. I say to never question them, nor morality... Do the best you can and try to help others always. They'll notice......
  6. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    Of course, dying isn't pleasant. But as you say, I'll have to do it anyway, so why not now... and I'm sure sufficient research would bring to light a reliable and not too unpleasant method. Also, I'm a medical student, a doctor in a few years, and will certainly have access to drugs that allow for a soft death.
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    You're a doctor. Do something with your time like curing cancer. Secondly - don't talk about suicidal means if you haven't enough to share with the class :). If you're not in pain then live life for the ENJOYMENT of the moment. Learn to paint, have sex, get married, have lots of kid.

    I'm not going to argue a valid moral reason for staying around - there's no ultimate reason why you should stick around. There are however, many personal reasons why you shouldn't go out. First of all your family and friends will be devastated. You'll create a chain of suicides in your family. They'll feel guilty and you'll haunt them for a good portion of their life. You want to be the Virginia of the Woolf family? The patriarch of the Hemingways?

    Suicide begets more suicides.

    You may not think people care, but if you go someplace for Thanksgiving dinner - if you have to send somebody a birthday card, then you do have people that care about you.

    Hell, I've been suicidal my whole life. I've been in pain my whore life. And I'm still around. There's something keeping me here .. . mostly vanity because I don't want to die in a gross way or in a manner that's traumatic for the clean up.
  8. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    It's nice that you thought about that :smile:

    I think there can be lots of reasons to live if you're willing to find and make them, there is a lot of repetition and it's up to you to try and break out of that....
  9. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    James - I have neither family nor friends. It would be unpleasant for the person who finds my corpse, but that's all, and it isn't really my problem, either.

    Xan - I agree, there are lots of reasons I could come up with in order to live. But they don't change a thing about the fact that my life is basically meaningless... imagine a robot designed to do some completely senseless task, like cleaning the same remote area over and over again. Should the robot continue to fulfil his task even if he has realised that there is no deeper sense in what he is doing, apart from programming? Should he deliberately destroy himself to escape the futility? Does it matter at all? I'd say it doesn't matter, but if it doesn't matter, destroying himself is as good as any other option.
  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Damn cruel of you. Perhaps you'd like to strangle a kitten in front of a little girl before you get on with the act? Or perhaps you could change your profession. You aren't the first person to struggle with ennui. Soon you'll be a doctor and finances will open up to you - particularly if you aren't afraid of ignoring the mountain of debt under you. Go to Europe. Paint, write a novel, or compose an Operetta.


    Why not go to Hollywood and finance a movie?

    As to purpose, screw purpose. You aren't a robot, though you sound frighteningly similar to Marvin. Why not take in a movie and laugh. The Pink Panther was funny.

    You're clearly intelligent, hopefully you cultivated a literary taste as well as scientific interest. I suppose my question is why have you given up on life? Why do you feel so restricted? It's odd. Why not take a break, sit down, and begin reading a great number of books. Have you tackled The Brothers Karamazov yet?

    Also, have you considered that you may be suffering from Dysthymia? A mild consistent form of depression. I guess I wonder why you are more interested in killing yourself than finding something that makes you happy.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2009
  11. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    Haha. I never claimed to be a nice guy ;)
    Yes. I know I could achieve virtually anything. I actually live in Europe. I do compose music, and in former times also used to write short stories. Yes, I do enjoy literature (although I havent read the brother Karamazov yet), and I am actively working in cancer research right now for my degree. It's all just like you said - except that I find it all meaningless. Let me give an example. You can always construct causal chains by asking "why?" So, why do I study medicine? Because I'm interested in science. Why am I interested in science? Because there is an innate desire in humans to get to know more about the world in which they live, and that desire is particularly strong in me. Why do all humans have that desire? Because it allows them to survive better and more comfortably. Why do they want to survive? Because those who didn't were selected out in evolution. THE END. No deeper meaning than that. And that's the way it goes with all things. Why don't I kill myself right now? Because I still have something like a self-preservation drive. And why? Well, because my genes still need me, at least until I have procreated. That's all. Even happiness is in the end only a reward system that makes us do what our genes want. I'd feel like a robot if I just followed my instincts. And what else is there to follow?
  12. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    your soul is gone. How bout adding a little bit of spirituality to your life, your comparing us to mindless beasts, what about those that give their lives for others? what about those who devote thier lives helping others? I remember a while back a plane crashed into the potomac on a cold winter day, rescuers were dispatched on the scene and their was this man in frozen water giving the life line to others, If he was only driven by instincts he would of held on to it for himself? no? you will never be a good doctor if you view the human being as a simple, souless machine. Your way of thinking is that of a very selfish and self centered person.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2009
  13. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hmm... well that's one way of looking at things. I still don't understand why you're so obsessed with the end. It doesn't seem really relevant to life.
  14. mitochondrion

    mitochondrion Member

    He was driven by instincts... I could give you an evolutionary explanation for altruistic behaviour, if that is what you are asking for? And yes, I am selfish. If that conflicts with your moral values, I'm sorry, but I am like that...

    James - I kind of understand how you view it. But I don't want to "just live". For me everything I do requires a justification, a deeper meaning, a true sense - after all, if it doesn't have something like that, why bother with it in first place? And I cannot see anything like that in life...
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You say your intereted in science..So why don't you stick around and do something with all that knowledge..Who knows you could be the one who discovers a cure for cancer.. If you are becoming a doctor does that not tell you that you can make a difference in peoples lives..Why would you throw that a way when you could help so many. Yes I think you are being selfish especially when you can make a difference in the quality of life for others..
  16. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    It can hardly be question of altruistic behaviour with something as subtle as this.
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