So, where should I start.... (warning: I'm pretty blunt and honest) Well, surprisingly, the thought of looking for a suicide forum hadn't occurred to me until today. I've been depressed for about half my life (28 now). I've felt suicidal for about 2 years this time around. I knew it was chemical at the beginning and just accepted it as a symptom of my depression. About 3 months ago things changed. I gave up. I decided that I am going to end my life in the near future. I'm just waiting for things to fall into place. I've been in therapy since about the 3rd grade (ridiculous, I know). I've sought help: tons of pills, hypnotherapy, experimental new treatments, etc. I've been happy before and I know what it's like, I just don't think it's an option anymore. I even have some great things going for me: I'm pretty smart, I'm a "good" person, I'm witty, I get along with almost everyone, I'm not ugly ( ), I have great loving parents, etc... So what! Side note: I'm actually very shy and insicure in person despite my confident tone in this post. I'm missing the most important thing in life though: hope. I don't have religion to turn to and I just really think that I can't be happy again. I think it might have actually been caused my a medication I took for a couple years. I have no wants or aspirations, no goals, nothing. I'm just sitting around. The main reason I've still been around is because I know the effects my suicide will have on others. I've been methodically working on that though. I've cut out almost all interactions with my friends and family (aside from some girl in another state that I'm never going to see again. I know this will devastate my family, but I also seen the suffering I've been putting them through for years. I know this post is pretty choppy, disorganized, and bouncing around from one thing to another but I'm feeling pretty scattered. I guess I just felt obligated to post this in case I missed some magical solution. I don't want to die, I just don't feel like it's an option anymore to live. I truly hope most of you are just in a shitty place and need to vent on the path towards recovery. I wish you all the best. P.S. This isn't a suicide note, I'll be around for a little longer.