Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Breathe, Apr 25, 2009.

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  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    It is not that I feel angry, depressed or sad at the moment in fact I am very calm. I was thinking over life, What is the point of it?

    I can not see the excitement, the joy that could make me want to carry on.
    The bases of our lives is to grow up, get education, get a job, work in that job for the rest of our lives and then die. And the only reason we have a job is to have the money to live. why?

    Everyone is living the same pattern, yes we might have our own stories or variations but we do stay somewhat to the same trail.

    Should it not be easier to end it now and skip a few steps? Because that is all it is, skipping a few steps to death.

    To me I can not see the end of my life or even a future. I just take it as one day at a time. I have a few ideas for the future but that is all they are ideas. Ideas which do not mean anything, ideas because I can not form a solid plan. To me my "Future" is blank, like a canvas and I do not want to paint. Not like I do not want to have a future...just that I do not believe I have one.

    I am not going to try anything I don not think. I will wait till I talk to the mental health clinic plus I feel to relaxed to try at the moment, though for no apparent reason. I thought I would share this revelation/train of thought with you, the way I see my life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't have to have a set plan for your future though. Ideas are fine. Ideas are thoughts you can build on, work with. Trust me, I don't have a definite plan for my future either; life has so many different directions and options that, even if you do have a definite plan, it's hard to stick with it.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    First of all, welcome to the forum. You will meet some very insightful, caring and intelligent people here (I'm onot counting myself as one, but I try).

    I don't think that you are experiencing anything terribly unusual. My mother told my that I said some of the things you express here when I was 9 years old.

    I surely did not take the "normal" path, that being married with kids,etc... But I'm not really happy about the way things have turned out for me either. Maybe something will strike you eventually though as far as what would make you happy. I never thought of what would make me happy. Just went along for the ride and I found that there are many things that do make me happy now...even if it is as simple as reading a great book, traveling a little and watching my niece and nephew grow up. Unfortunately, they are troubled about life as well, and I find happiness in trying to advise them as best I can.

    Also, thanks for the link to the "Nickelback' song the other day. That was great.
  4. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    If you can find something that makes you happy, would you really care if you were just playing into a 'trap'?
  5. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Exactly. Life may just truly be incredibly pointless. Or it may be something that plays a massive incomprehensible role in "the bigger picture", ...something beyond. We could just be slaves to our instincts/emotions or experiencing the most beautiful thing in existence. The point is we dont know the answers yet, and may never ever ever know the answers..we dont even know if there ARE answers. But we're here so we might as well do our best to experience it. I find life is what you make it. You can believe its pointless, or you can believe there is some grand scheme, a meaning to it, an end goal..what have you. The point is, choose what makes you the most happy and roll with it. I think for everyone, in everything we do, at some level it is to escape the constant questions of "why" and "how" and "what now"...and personally i think thats just fine.
  6. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I can not find anything that gives me joy at the moment. Even the things that used to give me some kind of vent or enjoyment.

    I play the role of a happy teen when i have to, IE hanging out with my friends almost like a mask but i have not enjoyed true happiness for a long time. God that sounds depressing. I can sometimes find things that make me smile, laugh or want to dance but then that joy soon disappears and I am left waiting for the next thing. I cannot live like that.

    I do not like the sound of a trap as for the bigger picture I do not believe in anything like that, there is no bigger picture just birth, re population and death as I stated. The ending, or goal as you put Lovecraft would be death and that step could be anytime in my life. I believe I scared my grandfather today or upset him as I was discussing what is after life and he hoped for more while I told him that I wished/hoped there was nothing more, blank, darkness, an end to my existence so there is nothing more to do no more life to lead in a fluffy cloud haven.

    As for the Nickelback song I am glad you liked it :smile:
    Your comment did make me think Shades, very intriguing
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 26, 2009
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I feel the exact same way :console:
  8. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    It is nice to know I am not alone on this.
  9. jere

    jere New Member

    This is, indeed, a depressing way to look at life. It sounds like you need an escape from societal expectations, not life.

    The thought of focusing all of life on a job and then just dying when old enough to retire sucks. But there are a million other things you could do. You have ideas. That's good! You have to start from there.
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