Things (in my head, life, world, etc.) have been really weird lately. Usually, I'm suicidal when something happens, or I'm angry, or depressed, anxious, etc. But lately, I don't feel that bad. I'm not feeling manic. I'm not feeling depressed. I'm not anxious. I'm not worried. I'm not angry. I'm not hurt. I feel calm. The thing is that "calm" feeling is really just me beginning to accept my fate: I'm going to kill myself. It's one of the first relaxing, happy, and carefree thought I've had in my life. I'm just tired of constantly looking for things to justify why I should be alive -- I look all day long. I don't need to stress myself out anymore, I can be calm just letting go and realizing I'm going to do it. It's a major relief for me.