I lived with her from the time I was 17-18. She was my first GF and the one I lost my virginity too. Anyways I came across her myspace today and her life is so much better than mine it's unbelievable. It's crazy because she treated me terribly when we were together. She would punch me, yell at me over petty things, and when she finally left me (for reasons unknown to me) she had sex with 6 men in the span of 2 weeks. She's had a child apparently though she's not dating the father. Just seeing her page and reading her blog, seeing that she's online, everything just makes me feel awful. I never got over her to be honest. I'd never been that close to anyone before and I haven't felt the way I felt when I was with her since. It's crazy because the relationship started off with her feeling insecure about herself in my presence, to me crying on the phone and trying to commit suicide with pills and vodka after she told me she didn't want me anymore. I feel sick because it's been almost 8 or 9 years since we broke up but I've only dated one person since I was with her, and I had no romantic or love interest in her at all and eventually dumped her on my own. I haven't been with anyone since. It's sick because I should be over her and everything but I've never had anyone that close to me before. Just reading her page, seeing the hundreds upon hundreds of pictures and videos of herself on her site (she's incredibly promiscuous now it seems and has naked pictures of herself, random people licking her and all kinds of shit) seeing how she's moved on and probably only thinks of me as a random person she had sex with has really made me reevaluate my life. I'm just a natural fucking loser. My life has amounted to shit, I have no friends, I can't even make connections with people or find decent work. I'm just a total fuck up that people use to further themselves then discard when I'm of no use to them anymore. I created a myspace profile recently, just filling out information about my interests and stuff, but who am I kidding. I'm not going to find any friends or connections on myspace. I made it entirely to try and get into contact with her again in some way. I thought about posting a comment in her pictures of her daughter saying something like "cute kid" but I know it would come across as incredibly sick of me to do probably like I was some kind of crazy stalker. Here I am a total fuck up retard trying to make contact with someone who has become popular and has hundreds of friends and who really seems to enjoy their life now. I will PM her myspace page to someone maybe so they can understand what I'm dealing with here. It's impossible for me to describe how she'd made me feel and when i think about the time I spent with her I can't think of any better moments in my life. It just makes me feel sick to my stomach.