Came quite close just now.

So I just went and hung up one of those <edit moderator total eclipse method> ready to go through with it.

Before I actually <edit moderator total eclipse method> held it up with my arm, and looked in the mirror to see what I would look like, and I couldn't help but imagine my dad coming down in the morning for work and finding me. I could almost hear him screaming "call 911!", and see him pulling me down to try to resuscitate me.

I couldn't do that. I can't. They can't be the ones to find me. Even if part of me wants to do it out of spite, that's too much. So I guess since I can't bring myself to go out of this house...I'm safe for now.

 

Your thinking in a good way which I hope you keep doing. It would destroy your dad for life finding you like that. Keep fighting

 

I'm really glad you decided against it. Is there anything in particular that drove you to that point? If you want to talk about it there's plenty of people here willing to listen. Take care.

 

hey, are you getting any kind of treatment?

I think it would be a torment for your dad no matter what if you killed yourself. doing it elsewhere wouldn't make much of a difference

do you think that you could work on getting better for his sake if not also for your own?