Can’t take life anymore

ItsJustARide

Well-Known Member
#1
I have no one to turn to and no one understands me, I’m sitting in my room trying every best effort not to self harm. I can’t take anything anymore, can’t control my emotions and the act my partner winds me up on purpose - he must like seeing me get in these states because he doesn’t stop when he can see how he’s making me even though I’m carrying his child. I don’t want this life, I don’t want this child I can’t take care of myself. I just want to talk to someone who understands, not someone who makes me feel worse about who I am. I don’t trust him, I don’t trust anyone and it’s killing me. It was my birthday a few days ago, every birthday makes me feel suicidal because it’s a reflection of how shit my life has turned out. I don’t have anything left in me. I’m drained, exhausted, and I don’t have any fight in me anymore. I don’t want a life of torture and misery where it never gets better, I just get worse as each day goes by. There’s no escape and can’t face up to the life I’ve created, please just kill me now.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#2
Maybe you've made some mistakes in the past, taken some missteps (we all have) that have brought you to this moment. That's the past, it's done, but you have the ability to start making different, smarter decisions, and steps, right now, this very moment.
There’s no escape and can’t face up to the life I’ve created
Yes there's an escape. Every second of our lives we have the option of beginning the process of creating a new life for ourselves.
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#3
I have no one to turn to and no one understands me, I’m sitting in my room trying every best effort not to self harm. I can’t take anything anymore, can’t control my emotions and the act my partner winds me up on purpose - he must like seeing me get in these states because he doesn’t stop when he can see how he’s making me even though I’m carrying his child. I don’t want this life, I don’t want this child I can’t take care of myself. I just want to talk to someone who understands, not someone who makes me feel worse about who I am. I don’t trust him, I don’t trust anyone and it’s killing me. It was my birthday a few days ago, every birthday makes me feel suicidal because it’s a reflection of how shit my life has turned out. I don’t have anything left in me. I’m drained, exhausted, and I don’t have any fight in me anymore. I don’t want a life of torture and misery where it never gets better, I just get worse as each day goes by. There’s no escape and can’t face up to the life I’ve created, please just kill me now.
Hey @ItsJustARide {hugs} and Happy Birthday for the other day..

How many weeks are you now? 37? Please please hold on.

Gypsy xxx
 

ItsJustARide

Well-Known Member
#4
I can’t, I’m trapped I’m 36 weeks pregnant and sitting against my door because my partner won’t stop winding me up. I can’t let him in so now he’s sitting opposite trying to piss me off. I have nowhere to go.
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#7
I can’t, I’m trapped I’m 36 weeks pregnant and sitting against my door because my partner won’t stop winding me up. I can’t let him in so now he’s sitting opposite trying to piss me off. I have nowhere to go.
Ugh.. He might just not know how to be tactful with what he says. My husband used to say things like “stop acting like a freak and just go to sleep” when I was having anxiety attacks. He has no empathy so he’s a bad example, but a lot of people have trouble coming up with the right words and/or tone of voice. They mean well though.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
Hello there,
Sorry you are going through this, being pregnant has enough stress - never mind the added stress of your partner winding you up.
Do what you need to save yourself and your precious baby.
Do you think you would be happier if he were not in your life? Sometimes we have to make sharp decisions to stop us from being back where we began.
Please stay safe and keep us updated please, ok?
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#9
It sounds like you need some alone time like going for a walk or a walk in the park or something. Heck even watching a movie on TV together is some sort of activity to help you both connect to each other also. I am wishing you the best and your baby the best.
 

Claus

Well-Known Member
#10
Hey,
hope you are alright. Better than when you wrote this at least. Thinking about you.
Please do not harm yourself as it won't solve anything. It only makes you feel good for a second, and that's it. It's not a solution to anything.
Your life is precious. If you don't want this baby...I'll be the first to say, then don't. If you don't feel it's a choice you can make I understand, but don't force yourself to have it to make your partner happy. Have it because you want it. Have it because you care...if you have this child feeling as you do I don't know if it will just make matters worse for both you and the baby. I certainly hope not, but I hope you can find a way to make yourself happy too. I won't talk further about this because I think stuff like this is easy for me to say, because I am not in your position...
Anyways, maybe you can look into moving in with a friend or family member. I think there are even shelters out there you can look into. Althought it may not be ideal to be in a shelter, especially when your pregnant...but to me it seems better than being with a guy like this. Even though he's the baby's father (as far as I know--sorry if he isn't and I just assumed) I don't think you should let that keep you in a relationship that obviously is one-sided. If you aren't happy and feel these ways about your S/O, I honestly think the best course of action is getting out of that situation entirely. If you don't think that's an option I understand as well. I can see it's a very delicate situation you are in.
If you want to work things out you can look into couple's therapy as well. My parents went into that when I was young, and it helped a lot with their relationship. I think insurance would cover it if you found/find the right counselor so if you have money troubles it should be alright. If you don't have insurance I think social workers can work with you too. That's what they are for anyways (as far as I am told).

Wishing you the best of luck.
Keep us updated. We all care about you.
 

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