... I think I need to kill myself. I'm trying to work this out, I don't want to die, I want to have this incredible life full of accomplishment and happiness. But, I ended up spending 14 days in a psych day hospital program in Sept 2012, and ever since then, it has made me so ashamed of myself I want to die. And, so afraid that I will not have control of my own life and destiny, that I will end up at the mercy of someone else, who I may or may not trust or like. I have been thinking about suicide a LOT lately, in great detail, the how, when, where, etc. Which is a big red flag for me. I really am trying NOT to go down that road -- it's the ultimate stupidity -- being so afraid of a psych history that I become suicidal, thereby guaranteeing that my "one time fluke" as I thought of it becomes a repeat event. Can anyone please help me understand this -- what is there to be so ashamed about??? -- it's not like I killed someone, raped someone, molested a child -- I had a bad triggering event, threatened death in the workplace, which compounded a history of severe abuse and brought me into a full-fledged PTSD crisis. Even then, I was only marginally a "danger to self" and I have never harmed another person, or ever wanted to. I will put my morality, my character, and my integrity up against anyone's. I don't mean to sound ... whiny, lame, making excuses, but I was the victim in all of this, literally. I didn't do anything wrong. So, why do I hate myself so much I want to kill myself, over something that wasn't my fault????