Can girls develop feelings?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Gregor, Nov 11, 2011.

  1. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Can a girl who says she doesn't have feelings for you develop them later on down the road or is that kind of attraction something that is just there or just isn't?
  2. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    Feelings, if they are real, grow over time, they don't just show up all at once.
    "love at first sight" is a myth, you have attraction at first sight, but love is so much more than attraction.
  3. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    Its possible but the chance of this happening is highly unlikely and hoping that this might happen is really just wishful thinking at best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2011
  4. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I think initial attraction often goes with having affinities with somebody. If its not there from the start, its unlikely the relationship will evolve into something more. And I think BC is right in saying that love is much more and that feelings grow over time but without the initial spark, in my experience, they rarely do so.
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I think they do, yes… just like anyone can.
    But it's definitely not a sure thing.

    And then there are also people who know you have feelings for them and use them in order to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do… whether it's listening to their BS, or helping them sort out their problems, or whatever…
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    It really really depends. I've been friends with someone for five years before without having any romantic feelings for them, and then suddenly seen them in a different way and found myself *with* romantic feelings for them, but at the same time I've also been friends with some people for even longer and never in my life seen them that way.

    It all really depends on where she places you in her friend circle. There's the friend zone and then there's just friends. People in the friend zone are the ones that she'll never ever develop feelings for, and the friends are the ones she doesn't have feelings for, but isn't exactly ruling it out. More like it's a possibility, but not definite. But like others said, there usually has to be some kind of initial attraction to go on.
  7. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Well I ended up falling in love with a girl who was my best friend. I told her how I felt about 6 months ago and she was shocked at first. She told me she did not know if she felt the same way. She said sometimes she did feel like she liked me more than just a friend but was not ready for a relationship with anybody and would tell me she "needed more time." Sometimes I would get the feeling that she liked me because she would flirt with me and sent me a very...well unique...present for my birthday. But then a couple of months ago she was talking to me and happened to mention how she had this friends with benefits that she would have sex with about once a month. Worst of all, she told me this started up AFTER I had already told her how I felt.

    We got into an argument about it and then she *hated* me for like a month calling me this jealous pathetic needy loser because I wanted to talk to her about this guy (which she still insists is nothing - just emotionless sex). For the last month or so she would insult me to anybody that would listen and talked down about me quite a bit. When mutual friends would mention what she had said, about how sometimes she thought she liked me more than a friend, she would tell them she was just saying that to not hurt my feelings cuz I was "so emo" and that she never, ever liked me more than a friend. She told me to never talk to her again and told mutual friends she would never speak to me again either.

    We used to talk every single day and then a whole month went by without even a word. It was pretty hard.

    But then last week she started messaging me saying she wanted to talk things out. At first I was really wary because I thought she just wanted to yell at me but she kept on about it for a few days and even apologized for insulting me. Finally we talked and the conversation lasted about 6 hours. When I was talking to a friend about this he said that for the last month she never shut up about me to him and I was all she'd ever talk about. This coupled with the fact SHE messaged me shows that she'd been thinking about me at least so that made me feel good.

    Things aren't back 100% but they are starting to look up now. My question I guess is, is there any chance she might have feelings for me at all, even if secretly? Or am I doomed to love someone that will never like me more than a friend.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2011
  8. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Me personally, I dont believe in "love" at first sight. However, I do believe you can gain a huge amount of admiration for someone.
    It has happened to me before, whether it's being on a date and something the man says triggers a thought in my head, "he's a great guy, you have got to get to know him better".

    :) Not quite love, but close enough to it.
  9. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Oddly enough I was reading about this on a website earlier on. Generally it's best to tell a girl you like her right away and if she doesn't feel the same way for you to just move on. It sounds like things are going pretty well with you and her now, I'm happy for you. That said being a girls best friend when you like her and then hoping she will all of a sudden will develop feelings for you while you're hearing about her hooking up with some jerk is quite depressing and quite often wishful thinking. Honestly I don't think I could be a girls best friend that I had feelings for while hearing about her having emotionless sex with some other dude.

    That's rough she was talking down to you like that and insulting you to her to others. I do believe in forgiveness but at the same time it doesn't show much maturity on her part.

    I hope she treats you with dignity and respect if you do indeed become an item. You should ask her out on a date hang out put the moves on and make her your GF. You can be her BF and her best friend but remember you're her boyfriend first! Show her how you feel by your actions.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2011
  10. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Let me rephrase you don't want to tell her you like her right away but you want to show your interest through your actions. Some women find it a big turn off when a guy asks them to be their girlfriend after only a date or two or says he really likes them. There are a lot of factors that come into play here like if you're chatting tons on the phone or something like that after only one or two dates it may be a lot more acceptable.
  11. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    I married my wife after knowing her for six months, we've been together for 31 years and it was love at first sight...I knew I'd found my soul mate.
  12. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i think that it takes along time to really know someone i have stupidly had feelings for one of my friends in the past but i only ended up getting hurt by him because he thought that it would be better for him to sleep around rather than be in a proper relationship.sometimes it just takes a little longer to decide if you really like someone you don't want to rush in to things without knowing how the also feel first
  13. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Rushing into things can really suck I've done that and been burned quite a few times in the past. If you like someone and their willing to sleep with you that tends to mean very little to lots of people in our current society. It's certainly not that easy for many individuals finding someone who is seriously interested in a monogamous relationship.

    So much in my life could have been avoided had I not rushed into things in a few different fronts...
  14. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i agree
  15. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think that as we get to know someone, we can grow to like or love them more.

    Sexual attraction (the physical longing) might be there immediately with some people. It's really just infatuation and often fades when we start to see the personality inside the package that set us on edge.

    Real love - the love that continues to last - is based on "knowing someone", not on just wanting to touch and be touched by them. Love, real love, evolves and continues to change over a long relationship. In a good relationship, the evolution means that the caring and love grow deeper and more meaningful in our lives over time.

    That'll be 2 cents,
  16. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    So yesterday she told me she wants me to stop liking her and move on. Always nice to hear. :(
  17. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    Well her response should answer you question now. It also looks like maybe its time for you cut your losses and move on.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2011