Why, when after so much work, so much effort, so much time and pain does a wound you healed re-open? Why, just as things falling into place, does something have to make you fall apart? This is the rape and abuse forum. Maybe, had I discovered SF a few years ago, I would have written and read here. But by the time I found SF I had licked my wounds. Until 3/4 weeks ago, flashbacks were a rare occurrence. I had panic attacks under control and the best part was that the nightmares and terrors had ceased. I had begun to trust again. I had begun to live again. I don't understand why its happened again. Not the same at all as before but the way its affecting me is the same. I can't be touched by anyone again. I don't like it when people look at me. I can't really talk to guys anymore. I don't want to leave my bed let alone leave my room or go outside. I'm still trying. Still fighting but it hurts so much. Its so hard. I REALLY HATE THIS!