Can hurting myself bring myself back?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Dreamerofhappydays, Dec 24, 2015.

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  1. I dont know to be honest.
    I love helping people and being there for them but as I said before I wear a mask.
    So its unknown if I really do care for them at all. Or anyone.
    Im sorry for if anyone Ive talked to is reading this.
    Honestly its because of my friends that I just feel like I shouldnt really care.
    But that doesnt mean I dont have to help.
    All they did was just... Ignore me and isolate me basically as if I was a ghost. One of my friends (someone who I can actually call a friend) is trying to help me.
    She wants to set something up for us both to go to but Im kinda nervous I might not... Care really.
    Weird huh?
    Its just... Whats the point?
    All of my "friends" isolate me
    All of my ex's have left me cause Im not good enough in some way or Im to stupid.
    And ill never actually be loved by anyone again cause I have too much of a nice personality I guess...
    Ive already busted up a razor to get the blade out.

    Maybe cutting can somehow help in a way... Or at least give me something I probably know I deserve... Who cares anymore? Im just a loser thats gonna die one day without any other real friends around.

    I'll try to cut. Maybe it can give me something even if its pain.
    Im already losing sanity and going a bit nuts again (Not to where Id hurt others gosh. Id never do that anyone else only myself no matter what) maybe I deserve it.
    Im a faker
    Im a loser
    Im a maniac
    Im...
    Dead
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Dreamer, you are not a faker, loser or a maniac. And you are not dead. You are a sensitive soul. One who has possibly been hanging around with the wrong kind of friends. Friends should not leave you feeling isolated or inferior. And masks are great tools for hiding one's pain. I usually use the mask of 'humor' to hide mine. I believe that you really do care. Otherwise you would not be here, nor would you help others as much as you do, or be distressed when it is not reciprocal. It can just be extremely painful when the caring is not returned. I hope you will go out with your friend. To stop caring now would be a shame. So would cutting yourself. You do not need to hurt yourself. Kindness would be much better. Treat yourself to something special. A special Christmas gift, a special meal, a day out with your friend. You deserve kindness, not pain.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member


    I am sorry Dreamerofhappierdays I wish I was doing that, dreaming of Happier days, I too have felt the same way an this is just a recent thing for me, I have wondered if I have lost friends because I was deficient somehow, I believe that would be similar to what you are saying, do I perhaps some kind of condition that causes me to alienate friends or people that try to befriend me? I guess I will probably never know.
    I do hope that if you have some sort of social issue that you can find out, it is perhaps possible! I think though we all wear a mask of one sort of another, we are I believe careful who we each let into our lives, we only show the parts of ourselves that we want people to see. The parts of our self we are comfortable showing. To Our family we may show another side and then to our "Close" friends we may show a 3rd side so you are not alone with that! I don't believe that cutting will help, or it may for a short time If you have never cut, please do not start I speak to to many people that are asking for help to help them to stop cutting, so I would say it may increase your issues it seems to do nothing to help except possibly in the Very short term! I am sorry that your "Friends" walked away when this now is the time that you need "Friends" but it seems to be the way a lot of people are today, You say that you have a girl that wants to help, That is great as long as you both know what each of you is getting into! I happen to believe that you are not losing your sanity, you would not be here if you were, That is my belief! I do not believe you are any of those things that you listed at the end either, people that are have an awful tendency to hide those kind of attributes. I am sorry that you did not make that list. I also believe that you have come to the right place, I want to ask you to keep posting in here to try and see if you have other things in common with others in here, I believe that you do. I also believe that you can find help and information and support here, I believe that you could use some, I ask you to please not give up on yourself, Pleas You seem like a sincere person that is terribly hurt and confused by all that you are going through and dealing with, Give yourself a chance and give us a chance to help you find yourself again, You deserve it We do not want you to be alone and have to deal with this all by yourself, That is Why we are here Almost Everyone in here has gone through some parts of what you now are going through! Please stay and keep posting if you want or need more help, Please Ask for it! We are here For YOU!
     
  4. Thank you both very much. This has really helped me because I have never been this honest before. Thank you both I hope you have a great day!
     
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Dreamer, you have a great day too. And don't forget those happy days. Sometimes they are all that keep us going.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi dreamer, some people were just naturally born to care.
    How do I know this? I am one of them. I put others before myself even in times I shouldn't. If I am ill I still put people first. None of what you say there about yourself is real, you are not a loser of faker or anything else along those lines. You're a special person with a huge heart and I have great respect for people like you. Keep doing what you do, it's natural to you and thank you for being brutally honest. You are never alone here. You have my respect.
     
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