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Can I ask a question?

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How do you guys move on from childhood abuse and not have it control every aspect of your life? This may be a dumb question but I thought I had moved on, but I don't think I really did.


Well-Known Member
Hi there,

There is no straight forward, easy method to do this, and it is different for everyone.

The best way I could suggest would be via therapy. there are lots of different types depending on the problems it presents you, like specific abuse therapy, or inner child therapy, etc, or a combination of different types.

Therapy basically helps you learn from it, realise it was not your fault, accept it, and learn to move on. You will forever have the memories, but it will stop it from hurting you.

Anyone who has had to deal with child hood abuse, or abuse in anyway is a strong individual, and will survive it if they choose to.

I fully believe that if you reach out for the appropriate support then you will come through this and you will be able to look to the future without your past hurting you.

If you ever want to chat, then feel free to PM me

Hang in there, keep fighting, and take care


Well-Known Member
It still has some control over certain things in my life... I think we who have been abused will always see things maybe slightly different, sometimes alot different because of our pasts.. Therapy is a good way to learn how to deal with things the abuse effects... are you in any kind of therapy?


Staff Alumni
God only knows... just spent the last hour asking my counsellor the same question.... (and she doesn't know either). :blink:


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Well, it coloured my world for years until I found a wonderful therapist who helped me put it where it belonged, in the past. That's not to say that sometime it still rears its ugly head, I have trust issues (and I recognise that and accept it) and any programmes on the subject kinda send me off into a rant, but I have come to a kind of peace over the whole thing and think of my abuser with pity for being what he was and what he lost for what he did.


Well-Known Member
I don't think there's one answer - but I do it by reminding myself everyday that I must move past being a product of abuse. I tell myself that it does not define me, and it never has. That said, I don't shrink from thinking about it anymore, as I once did. Deep feelings still spring up, even though it happened a long time ago, and each time they do I allow myself to think, examine, and then I try to put it away. Maybe it's cliche, but I keep trying to be a survivor, and not a victim.
I belive I am a survivor, but sometimes I get stuck back in that bad place. Its been 18 years and it does affect my work, relationships and life in general. I think the best way forward is to either go the therapy way or just deal with it individually. Counciling never really worked, it made it worse thinking I was ill because of it. I have learn't to try and look at every new day as a new piece of my life to build on. Now I can say that there are more years without the abuse than with it and I am here to tell my stroy. It feels lonely a lot of the time, but you don't realise how many people have been thriugh the same thing. It doesn't make it better, but at least you aren't on your own ultimately! Tried to kill myself at least 5 times over the years, been through the psychiatric circles and eventually found my sanctuary in learning. I did a law degree just to keep occupied, passed that then got a really good job. Now I can at least live my own life without being controlled by my past.
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