?can I be saved?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by pegasusmyth, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. pegasusmyth

    pegasusmyth Active Member

    I wonder if I can be saved.I fit the description of someone with stockholm syndrom.Can I be saved. I don't want to be like this or treated as I am,but I can't act against him. Between all the threats and all the kindness I can't do a thing.I have never been treated with as much kindness or care as I have been by my partner,these last 13 years.But like last nite he again starts in about his ex and suicide attempt,he knows not how I am at this time,and he says he should have helped her die and will anyone who tells him they are that way.He hurt me the last time he found I had burned myself 3x's worse than I had.I know he will carry out his threats he always does,but even with all that and more I have never know such kindness! He appears to have no memory of anything he does to hurt me,last nite he toast us for not hurting each other.He really seems to not know.I can not get out, I don't know what to do,He doesn't remember so how can I act against him?what if he is right and my experiences are a result of programming by my last doctor? If I go against him,who might be my only hope,how will I survive?If the doctors truelly are bad then they'll destroy me this time.I am so scared and confused,I can not think or make a decision.I can not help myself.and right now he is losing it.and is on the war path.and brought home tequilla last nite.
  2. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I am sort of confused??

    Well, maybe you should tell your doctor what is happening.

    I don't know what you were talking about really..but from what I underestand..did your doctor program you to act a certain way? (Forgive me for my stupidity, I"m 17..)

    I"m just trying to help..I don't think you should go against your man..if he's not REALLY doing anyhting..But I also don't understand how you can experience something that is NOT really happening either..(or maybe it hallucination?)

    But, tell your doctor and see what he says..basic informat:wink:ion..

    That was my first thought anyways..I really don't get the first part where you're talking about him killing his ex or something..??? Then you jump to something different????

    Can you explain it a bit better?? (No disrespect, I just want to give advice though.):biggrin:
  3. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Okay, now I know..Loving an abuser..I just looked up what stockholm syndrom was..okay..um..I think you should see a doctor and a therapists..maybe you should have them do a test to see if you should be diagnosed..???

    If you are..that sux..Its hard to think of any advice for a person with that disorder..What makes a man attractive when he abuses you? Is he too hott that you wannna take the abuse?..Or is it, you think he's really nice, he just loses it sometimes and you feel that one day he will never do it??..Or do you think you're crazy and he never touched you??..

    Do you fear he will kill you, but you will no leave him??:eek:hmy:

    Did he say that he should've killed his ex???

    Like I said I'm confused..but still trying to help and understand..:)
  4. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Okay, another thought just came into mind..Maybe he thinks that you shouldn't hurt yourself because you are WITH HIM..

    Maybe HE thinks being "SUICIDAL" is an insult to the relationship..Maybe he thinks that He should be enough for you...and if he was you shouldn't be burning yourself..I would feel pretty insulted if my husband was suicidal and I was in his life...That would make me think I"m not good enough..

    That does not give him a right to put his hands on you though!!! Don't get me wrong..But maybe thats it..maybe you should love a lit
  5. pegasusmyth

    pegasusmyth Active Member

    ok ShalenaM lets see if I can explain.13 years ago I ran from my mother and my psychologist for several reasons.I don't know how to put it in paraphrase?,sorry I feel dumb. My psychologist bought me jewelry and then I again started haveing memory loss while I was in sessions with him.He set me up with a man 20 years older than me,told me it was fine that this man was starving me,and forcing me to give him oral sex. I ran straight into the arms of my current partner 21 years older, and I find myself in a not much better situation.My partner is very controlling and I no longer comprehend what or why he does things,I'm not sure I ever did.He seemed safe.He kept my mom from abusing me and stealing my disability checks.He moved me to another state.My family has affiliations that can't be spoken of.So I've been in hiding for many years. I do not know if I have ever known safety of any kind,or if I can recognize it. I hope this helps you to understand better.
  6. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    What you said about stockholms syndrome or anything like it must make it incredibly scary to think about change. I know we have talked about this before and it felt like a stalemate back then. It is a shame that the ones of us who really need to feel safety are the ones that are victimised often, but that doesnt mean we can't get at it. Only it does mean we have to take actions, even small ones to change the way our lives go.
    I can honestly say not all doctors are bad at all. You must have found some real sick specimin to go and see. As I said before, it is a shame this sort of shit happens to the people who need it the very least. That doesnt mean that all doctors are parasites, far from it. I know your trust has been knocked from the past experience and it is a scary idea to go see a new one.
    Doctors at least hold you in confidence so you can tell them things and they won't tell anyone else. To settle your mind look up a new practitioner in town as they are fresh out of med school mostly give or take a few years and usually just want to get on with their jobs. Try and find a female one as well.
    Just being able to chat with this doctor after you have built up the trust with them will make you feel a lot more safe as well. You will have someone there who knows about this stuff and if you really need them you can use them as refuge.

    I reckon this is just what you need to start out, a confidant who you can talk to and who can help you with your thoughts. Try thinking of other even smaller steps first. Every little step is better then going backwards. This is all about being able to climb out of the hole yourself with as much help people can give you and you are definitly not beyond saving.
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