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Can i call it rape

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Shine94, Jan 10, 2018.

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  1. Shine94

    Shine94 Member

    Can i call it rape when i consented for it each time or m i just lying to myself that he took advantage of me he took advantage of my love.? I am fully grown up involved in physical relationship before but this one was abusive. Yet i never wanted to end it i did everything i could to make him stay have sex with him. But that was all he ever did have sex. And then he found a new girl and just blocked me out of his life. He treats her well though. Am i lying to muself whn i tell myself that all he did was rape me for 8 months
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    You can't call it rape if you consented to it, no. You can call it unkind and you can call him a horrible person for breaking your heart, but if you consented to sex, whatever your motivations and whether or not it 'kept him' you cannot call him a rapist. You can call him an asshole - if he was abusive he was definitely an asshole, but you are belittling the experience of every single person that was raped if you call it rape when you consented to the physical intimacy. I am sorry that he hurt you by leaving and blocked you from his life - you deserve better - but please don't lie to yourself or anyone else that it was rape. Focus instead on making sure that the next person you consent to sex with, it is not with a motivation of "if I give him sex maybe he will stay" - make sure you are consenting to sex because you want it.
    Shine94, Lulabelle and nobodyknows71 like this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I agree with @Freya

    Were you ever unable to consent properly to due drugs or alcohol?
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Just a note that goes both ways - drugs or alcohol can mean a person is unable to consent but if both people have been consuming/using drugs and/or alcohol either nobody is raped or both participants are raped.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You have already answered your own question quite correctly. I am sorry your were hurt by what was clearly a one sided relationship. It is certainly something to learn from in the future - sex does not make a person stay and just makes you feel worse when it ends. I am sincerely sorry you are hurting now and hope you can find a loving relationship not based on sex in the future.
    Shine94 likes this.
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