Can I carry on pretending its okay?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ashcrostep, Feb 18, 2010.

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  1. ashcrostep

    ashcrostep Active Member

    Hiya,
    This is my first post on here. Right now I'm pretty low and dont know how much longer I can go on pretending everything is okay. I tried to kill myself in Nov but changed my mind so didnt go through with it properly. I feel like my life is so pointless. I go to work to pay for uni, and I go to uni so I can get a better job but will that ever make me happy?
    I'm quite far from home too and I miss my family, I see them about 2 or 3 times a year but thats not enough.
    My friends know how I feel, well I've told them but they dont fully understand. They seem to think its not as bad as I make out, or they arent taking me seriously. I cant see a future for myself and I'm suprised I have lasted this long.
    I've been to the doctors and am on tablets to help and have started going to see a counsillor but it just seems like talking about things makes me think about them more and makes me feel worse. I'm worried to tell anybody how I really feel as they'd think I was weird or react badly to me.
     
  2. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    hey, well done for making ur first post. Took me awhile to do it myself acouple years ago. uve made some good steps in the right direction and got some help. life does seem quite pointless at times, especially when its during a long road to something better.

    you need to find out wot makes u happy or even who makes u happy and keep going with it. talking to friends is easier than a counsillor, so trying talkin to them 1 to 1 if u can. talking can make things abit more difficult simply cause ur bringing all ur thoughts and feelings to the surface, but its better to release how u feel rather than bury it.

    just keep talking and ppl will help u, ppl DO care

    Stay safe
     
  3. ashcrostep

    ashcrostep Active Member

    Thanks for the reply. I am trying to talk to my friends but I feel they are just so different to me in that they didnt have anything go wrong for them when they were younger. When I say how I feel about certain things I can tell that they dont understand and then it makes me feel like an outsider. I'm also worried about burdening people with my problems too much, I dont want anybody to feel like they HAVE to help me because then I'd feel guilty.
    Right now I just dont know what to do for the best. I am good at pretending things are okay and I can act happy for the few hours I am at uni during the day but then I am so lonely when I go home. I dont know why but I just feel like I am in so much pain inside and I want it to just go away.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i think alot of people don't understand depression sadness unless they have suffered it themselves they won't get it. Talking to a professional that can guide you thru what your feeling is the safest way A psychologist that knows how to bring the sadness out but also knows how to shut it off when the session is done. Talking to a stranger is easier because you don't have to worry about what they think or burdening them that is what they are there for.
    I am glad you are seeing a councillor at your uni can you see someone there that can help you further like psych students in their last year they give free sessions. Reaching out here helps as well as writing out what is making you sad. get the emotions pain out of you okay post vent say what ever you need to here okay others will understand and give support take care
     
  5. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    i feel the exact same way. I dont talk to my friends cause they never seem to fully understand and i feel like im a burden to them. however ive learnt tht if ppl truly care bout u, then it wont b a burden to them and they will care to listen. dont feel guilty about wanting some1 to talk to, every1 here is willing to help and listen, all been through it.
    putting pen to paper is a great way to vent aswell, i have a small book to write in how i feel or whats upsetting me etc. U can use it to vent now, and when things improve u can look back at all the problems u have overcome but sometimes its best to simply write what u want to write and simply close the book.

    Stay safe
     
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