Can I get some help please??

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Peteclarke, Apr 24, 2011.

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  1. Peteclarke

    Peteclarke New Member


    I'm new to this site, my partner is a member and has been for a week or so. She hid it from me, as she suffers from depression and SH. I found out today that she has been using the site and, shamefully, I flipped a bit.

    We've only been together 3 months, although we live together and it is very serious, but from day 1 i've always been aware of the circumstance that she faces with her life and we base our relationship on trust. I felt a bit betrayed that she felt she couldn't talk to me first about how she was feeling.

    My question is, how best can I help her without having to resort to these sort of sites? No offence (genuinely) but I worry that places like these can sometimes be a very negative place for someone trying to recover, and although I'm sure 99% of people are well meaning on here, I worry immensely about her state of mind. She used to use a similar site called which i've seen and is frankly horrific in terms of people being negative. Are places like this a healthy environment or can they be a drain? I'm really sorry if what I'm posting is offensive to some - it's not meant to be - and I can understand that community forums for SH can be productive, but I love my partner so much that I don't want to slip back into old habits.

    Any advice you can give me I would really appreciate. I suffer from mild depression myself and have spent time on AD's, but not to the degree my partner has and I want to make sure that I do all I can to help.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel, to some extent. One of my best friends is the one who introduced me to SF. She also hid her SH (though not for long), but after the rest of us found out we've been pretty open about it amongst ourselves.

    I can understand why you feel betrayed, but please understand this: self-harming is a source of both comfort and shame for many people. Those who do it try very, very hard to keep it a secret. My friend self-harmed, and I admit that the four of us worked together to keep it a secret.

    The best way for you to help her is to be there for her and to support her. I worried about SF at first, too, since my friend was almost constantly on here in the beginning. But once I too joined because of my own depression, I realised that my worries weren't really necessary. Most people who post anything that could be extremely triggering and set off someone else will give a warning either in the title of their post or somewhere in the very beginning. The community here is very supportive, and if a member of this community is feeling very triggered, we try to help them out.

    Maybe it's not the healthiest environment. But it's what helps me. The people here understand me so much better than even my own psychologist, and I can say things here that I don't feel comfortable telling anyone else. I think this site has done me much more good than it has bad (if anything bad, really).

    If you want to PM me, go ahead. I hope things work out for the two of you, and I also think it's wonderful that you care about her so much.
  3. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I found this site about two years ago. It has been a more positive experience than a negative one. The name of the forum scares many people. My own therapist told me directly not to come here because she feels I may be tempted to kill myself. The opposite is what happens. No one here wants the other people here to do anything to hurt themselves. Anyone who advocates this is usually banned from the site.
    Personally I have found it helpful to come here to express the emotions which would either scare or worry family or therapists. I can freely write out the emotions and thus not do anything to myself.
  4. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    I agree about the name, i found the site when feeling my worst, but since then it has just been a comfort to know its here when i need.
  5. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    dont be afraid about your gf being one will encourage her to do anything, rather the opposite. when i let slip to my psych i found this site, he told me to stay away, but i think that was through ignorance of what this place is about. everyone found here through suicidal tendancies but its a pro life forum, not a place to encourage suicide, so on that basis dont worry. my personal opinion is to stick around, read the forums, and make your own mind up about her safety. dont feel bad she didnt talk to you, no one in my real life knows i am here, apart from my psych and that was by accident.

    you sound like a good person, and to care so much after such a brief relationship she is lucky to have found you. dont give up on her. she is reaching out by being here. :hug:
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