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Can I give up now??

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Aug 2, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I've just been to my doctors. I'm sick of feeling that no one listens to me. I walked in there feeling sick, hardly being able to breathe, took a deep breath and told him everything. I told him that my A/D's weren't helping, that I was very close to OD'ing on Monday. That I believe that if I go back to work on Saturday being that close to all those pills and the stress of going back to work when I feel this bad will push me to do something serious.
    Guess what, I'm still on the same pills and I'm being FORCED to go back to work on Saturday. He refused to give me any more time off. Admittedly I've been off or a VERY long time. But if I'm not ready I'm not ready. Pushing me is going to make me worse surely? I can't stand the thought of going back. I literally can't go back. Right now I see one way out of this, and it's not one I even want to do. But what choice do I have? I'm so scared of loosing it at work. In front of customers, in front of people I don't like, in front of my managers. I'm scared and not ready to go back, why can't anyone see that? :cry:

    Everything seems to have gone wrong. I hate my life.
    I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love very much and she's the only thing keeping me going right now. I've tried splitting up with her because it's not fair on her me being like this. But I can't do it. I can't live my life without her. Hun, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for being me. Sorry for how I'm feeling :hug: :wub:
    I'm missing my Nan like mad. I feel so guilty for so many things. I can't stop thinking about that night. I blame myself for the way things happened. I could have made it easier, I know I could have done. That guilt and pain wont leave me. :cry:
    My family are driving me mad. My uncle is fighting over my Nan's Will. Making the whole family upset and hurt. Making us all give up some of our money. He doesn't care about my Nan. That much is obvious. He couldn't even be bothered to go to my Nan's grave on her birthday. It makes me SO angry. :mad: He was the one who was with my Nan at the moment she passed away, I would give anything for that to have been me instead of him. :sad:
    I can't even be bothered talking about the rest of the stuff going on right now. I'm bored. Bored of life, bored of being me, bored of living.

    Please, please, please let me give up. I can see one way out of this right now. Please, SOMEONE tell me I can do it. I can't live like this much longer :cry: :sad:
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I dont really know what to say... and so... I'll keep this short. But, things arent all always bad... they do get better. I know it isn't much comfort to hear that you have to keep hanging in there though... so instead, I'll send ya a hug. :hug:

    thinking of ya, TDM
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sam, this job thing...go in and give it a go. If you lose it then you lose it result will be 1) they realise you need to still be on sick leave or 2)they sack you..either way you dont have to go in again (if u get sacked u can sign on).

    Don't think you're being moany about missing your nan, my grandad died over 15 years ago, I still miss him and have a bit of a weep on the anniversary of his death and wish to God I'd been there when he passed.
  4. Jess

    Jess Guest


    I'm sure you're most definitely sick of hearing 'things will get better soon' or some other variation of the cliche.. but fact is it's true. Just a matter of time. And to boot, here's another cliche for yah 'time heals all' While that ones not particularly totally true it still holds some worth. But enough rambling about BS you don't wanna hear.

    Listen to Terry and TDM. They're good caring people. Getting over something that happened long ago can be hard! Getting over anything traumatic... well... who's to say you ever have to? or will? Some things just stay with yah.. :dunno: Don't feel as though you're whiny or anything like that. We're all here to listen

    Hope you're hanging in there ok. :hug:
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: TDM
    :hug: Terry
    :hug: Jess

    Thank you all :hug: xx

    Terry, I'm trying work, I guess I have no choice eh x
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hey baby,

    you know my opinion on this cos I told you earlier. theres no way I'm letting you give up. I couldn't handle it if anything happened to you sweetheart and you know that.

    i'm glad your mum listened to me email, she has sent me a reply back and i'll show that to you later but in her mind she said that's what she thought u wanted and shes okay with you going back to work or not. I think your mum had the right idea, here's what I want you to do:

    go in for the 4 hours on saturday ane sunday, stick it out and get through it. Think about tuesday if it gets you through it. then you go see ur twat of a doctor and flip out at him. you know if ur manager sees your not fit to be there then you won't.

    I need you to be safe darling, monday morning I'm back in the UK, not long. stick it out for me and think about tuesday and how many hugs your gonna get :tongue:

    you said this isn't fair on me, well I love you and will do anything to support you. you know what I want cos I've told you many times and you have absolutely no reason to say sorry to me.

    love u :wub:
  7. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    u can hun just try have hope .... have a little faith in ur self.
    dont think that ur hopelss think waht ur going to do tomorrow and do it .. dont always be sad.
    "if u fail to plan u planned to fail"