hey sorry to be posting like this, but it's for the best right now. Don't want people to know who's posting this, because they might stop telling me when they're suicidal, just to spare my feelings. I've lost people whom I cared about, a lot. And I know I will lose more people in my life, but it hurts so much to lose them. I've lost several friends to suicide and there's a few people on here whom I care about a lot and who are thinking of suicide a lot. And that hurts. I wanna be there for them, keep them from doing it. I spend all the time I can find on keeping them from doing it, and eventhough I'm so happy when they decide to stay alive (even if it's just for a while), everytime I'm left drained and dead tired (how ironic :dry: ). I wonder for how long I will be able to handle this. I have uni and work to be concerned about, I have my friends to be concerned about. I wanna stop people from killing themselves, that's why I'm a member here, but I don't want it to drag me down. But then again it makes me feel so usefull whenever I got someone to stop killing themselves and such. ... I can't really explain my feelings here. It's complicated. I wanna be there for the ones I care about and for everyone here, but it's sucking the energy out of me. I can't stop coming here, no matter how many people around me tell me to stay away from here because it's dragging me down. I can't. I care for the people here too much, and I know all too well how it feels to be suicidal and depressed and to feel lonely. I care about people too much, apparently. hmm nevermind.