Can I have one positive childhood memory?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by hatch, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. hatch

    hatch Member

    I'm in therapy and it's been a long time since I was a kid (15+ years anyway) and for the life of me I can't come up with a positive memory. I don't remember enjoying anything. Is that even possible? Does depression just wipe out positive memories? I spent a lot of time not thinking about any of this crap, and it's really depressing to see that dealing with it feels so bad. I'm not even sure if I am "dealing with it", I'm just trying hard to remember stuff, it doesn't "deal with" any of it in doing that. It feels like I'm never going to get over any of this, and that I'm going to keep everyone at arms length forever. The highlight of anything I can remember was those weeks where I managed to stay hidden well enough that I didn't get hit or yelled at, it's just not screaming "positive memories".

    I'm filling out this worksheet for therapy and I was asked to pick out some general feelings I experienced as a child from a list. The only positive things were the feelings I had when doing activities which distracted me from home life (D&D, video games, etc). Ironically these were not supported by my parents. I'm unable to think of a single positive thing about my parents, and it's just astounding me. It's really sad. I knew the violence was bad growing up but seeing this lack of any positive memory is worse. It makes me wonder why I allowed them to continue a relationship with me until now, it makes me really mad at them even though the people they are now are very distant from the people they were then.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Depression does infact take away memories of joy we one had I could not remember any child hood memores for a long time but with therapy they are gradually coming back in pieces to me I hope with therapy you will too also remember moments when you had positive times in your life hugs
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I think depression does block out alot of memories, I had a similar childhood, and for the life of me I can't remember a birthday, a trip to the park, anything that was fun or pleasant. hang in there I hope that through therapy you will find there is a good memory.