I'm sitting here fighting the urge. I can see all the tablets sat on the counter, I've looked at them hundreds of times. I can see the bag of beers on the floor. I know where my sharps are and its like I can hear them calling my name. I know I can't do this, this isn't the right place or time, this wouldn't be fair on him to find me like that. But yet I can't stop the thoughts, I keep going to get up and start the process and then I snap myself out of it, thinking only of him, I just don't want to hurt him or else I would. I need calm and release, I need all these objects to magically disappear so I can't even contemplate acting on it. But they won't, and I can't even throw them away because they aren't mine.