Hey I hate to tell all this but I just really need to vent. I'm 48 yo. I've had 5 failed marriages. About 6 months ago I started having an affair with a coworker. I knew she had a boyfriend and I shouldn't have done it but I did. Well I developed feelings that grew very strong. She told me stuff like I was amazing. I gave her butterflies when I looked at her etc...... Basically everything a lonely man who feels pretty worthless wants to hear. She told me she loved me and stuff like that. Talked about losing her boyfriend and being with me. Well that wasn't happening I kept thinking it would but it didn't. As bad a person as this makes me I truly fell in love with her when I was with her it was like she's my soulmate. When we weren't together she was all I could think about. I came to realize I couldn't love her like that anymore. I can't take loving her yet know she is also with someone else. So last night I ended it. Now I feel like my best friend in the world is gone. I want her more than anything. Now there is a pain in my very soul like I have never felt. I really wish I would go to sleep and just die. I don't know if I can take this much longer.