Can I "set" my mood to "good" for a while?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Dec 27, 2009.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I definitely have mood swings which happen quite frequently. Most of the time I am in a "bad" mood with just a few times where I am "okay".

    Tomorrow, I am leaving for a vacation to India with my dad and I would not want to get into a bad mood there, which I most likely will. My future and thinking about it has always been a thing that causes me much pain and anguish. Because I think I have no future, it will be nothing but torment and despair and why I must commit suicide eventually, I MUST.

    One thing that will most likely happen there is my dad will introduce me to a family and their daughter to set up arrangements for an arranged marriage or they will come first, which my parents have both kept talking to me about. This is one thing that sets me into a bad mood, thinking about marriage.

    I have extremely low self-esteem and feel that nobody will ever want to me my partner. I have so far not even tried to get a girlfriend as I am confident it would just end in failure and I am afraid of rejection. So I don't even want to meet those families. An arranged marriage is probably the only way I will not die alone. But that may still be better than living with someone who probably only married me for my American and Canadian citizenship. Anyways.....

    I wonder if there is a way where I can control my fluctuating mood and set it to "good" mode at least for the duration of the trip. When I get back home, it can go to "bad" all it wants. I guess I wouldn't want my relatives to see me in a bad mood, to say and do things I will regret while I am in a bad mood. Such as my parents said that even if I don't want to marry, that I should politely tell them "no, thank you", and not say something like "fuck off, I'm a depressed, moody loser who contemplates suicide, your an idiot for even thinking about marrying a piece of shit like me, are you scared yet?" which seems very tempting for me to say.

    Right now I am in a bad mood and think it will be a crappy, boring trip where I'd rather just be home and wasting my life away playing on the computer, just get this shit over with.

    In my rare good mood, I think the trip will offer a unique experience, that I should get out of the house, off the computer, I'll even see a real-life rural village where my dad lived, how exciting! I want to stay in that good mood!
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2009
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    hey there guy,
    i'm not so sure you could set your mood to good, but something i would encourage you to do would be to try and go with an open mind. may it be a learning experience. personally i would be absolutely fascinated with seeing where one of my parents came from. it provides a little history and maybe some understanding as to why the way they are. because of that i could be in a bit better of a mood than i might of previously. i don't know it's just a suggestion. i really hope you enjoy your time there. don't feel bad either for saying no to marriage. it's your right and your life. take care and i hope you really have a good time.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Thank you rhinolady. I do hope I have a good time. My dad spent a lot of money on these planet tickets and I don't want it to be a wasted experience, I want to make the most of it. I'm just worried that my mental illness will get in the way and muck up everything. I just wish I could tell it to "sleep" for a while.

    I want to have a good time and be happy there. I don't want to be depressed and moody like now and have my relatives see me that way (but I also don't want to hide my depression from them, but I sadly have to). They think that because I am in my early 20s, live in the United States and about to graduate from college, that my life is perfect and am ready to prepare for marriage. In reality, I am a complete, worthless loser who feels he has no future and will commit suicide within a couple of years and I feel bad because of that. They have no idea what I am feeling.

    I went to India also with my mom exactly a year from now and my bad mood did get in the way at times (not that much) and I couldn't help it. My depression took over me and I became moody, distant and withdrawn, again triggered by talks of meeting a girl for an arranged marriage. I hope it doesn't happen again or gets worse.
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