Can I still call myself a "suicide survivor"?

Hi there New to this board and wondering if you could help me or share your opinions as I know a lot of you have been there!

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for 6 or 7 years, the peak being my junior year of high school. During that year, in January & February, I hit my lowest point. I had "suicidal ideations", a plan, and intent.

I had written a note a few times, and was too numb to realize that I was making a bad decision.

However, I never actually... "attempted" per say. There was a point during all that where I (not sure if I can post these details, so TRIG warning just in case?) had pills in my mouth, but I spit them out before swallowing.

I got the help I needed before ending up in a hospital, or really 100% making a full fledged attempt.

So can I call myself a 'survivor'? Because I feel like I fought off the battle, I feel that I overcame, but I'm not sure if I deserve that title of "suicide survivor".

Love to you all, thanks so much!

 

oh yes definately, you are a veteran of suicide. but im not sure whether that is something to be proud of. its good to hear you managed to get out of it, how are you now?

 

I would definitly call you a survivor. I've done almost the same thing. I've come close to attempting, but I never actually did. I think everything leading up to an attempt is probably the hardest part of the whole thing. Living with the thoughts, impulses, and finally making the decision to do it is the hardest part in my mind.

 

me too
i haven't even tried anything
just got to the point where i felt i was ready to try something
and then i found this place

the commonality here is not suicide
it's just people who are there for one another
unconditionally
just there to listen and share
people who've been there and back
and maybe even still in pain
but here for you

it's a really awesome site
welcome

 

Thank you all so much

I just feel like... I am a survivor, because I fought with it and survived.

For people who HAVE attempted though, do you feel uncomfortable with me calling myself that? Or someone who hasn't attempted calling themselves that? Just wondering

And this does seem like such a lovely place, happy to be here!

 

Obviously, I can't speak for anyone else, but I see you as a survivor. You made it through a time when your brain was trying to kill you. In my own mind, I am more likely to feel a bit proud of myself for the times I had suicidal urges but didn't act on them than I am of surviving an attempt. I managed to survive the urges because of something I did (called someone, distracted myself, went to the hospital, etc). I survived the attempt because of what someone else did (found me, got me to the ER, etc). It's what came after the attempt - the healing and fighting to get better - that makes me a survivor in the long run.

 

I have alot of respect for all of you's that have resisted the urges to attempt suicide, as it takes alot of will power. I on the other hand lack that will power and unfortunately succumb to the tempation of ending it all on numerous occassions and put myself into traumatic situations which has not jus left me physically scarred but emotionally aswell. I'm rather suprised im still here to be honest and its got to the point where i cant even be bothered to attempt anymore as it is so mentally draining not to mention the phsycological blocks from all the methods i hav tried. I think in many aspects we're all survivors one way or another

 

It's in the past, I don't see a real need to label yourself at all.

Just be you.

 

I think of it this way. Mental Illness is a fatal disease. Anyway in which you can help yourself get through it is an excellent way. If calling yourself a suicide survivor helps you overcome it then by all means call yourself a survivor. I'm no good judge of what anything means anyway lol

 

I believe "suicide survivor" is the right term but it is actually used to describe family members of people who have committed suicide, not a person who survived a suicide attempt. They call them "suicide attempters". I would rather be described as a survivor.

 

As someone who has attempted I say all power to you - because you are a survivor. And you got the help - you fought it - and you won the battle.

Kudos.

 

Yeah because you had the intent, and I think that's just as much as actually attempting. You wanted to kill yourself and you overcame the urge. I say good for you and I hope that your future will be very bright.

 

I've overcame the urge 2 years ago and oh boy that was a tough one because I could of pulled the trigger and be done with it. I give Kudos to anyone who could overcome the urge and walk away from it. That shows a lot that you are a strong person and that you fought the urge.

Trevor,

 

Perfectly put! The battle is with the mind, not life itself. And to fight the mind empowers it. The key is to see that we aren't the mind and let the thoughts float by like passing clouds and not identify with them. My mind reminds me that death would be easier than life but I know that is just logic and not reality. It's just one of many ideas the mind has created so I let it pass and seek deeper understanding of life, not better ideas of how to escape it.

 

I have tried twice to kill myself and both time I still woke up in the morning. Dose anyone else who has survived wonder why they did. Besides that I should have been dead three other times. And I'm still here. I am just waiting to jump in front of a gun and dare them to pull the trigger.

 

I may be off on this, but this is how I feel. Maybe my depression is why. But I feel anyone with any mental illness/disease/disorder is a survivor.

We may not have a visable ailment. We don't wear braces on our legs that don't move, we don't have scars on our chests from the surgeries to keep our hearts beating. We may not be able to point to a body part and say 'this is wrong with me' but what we carry is mental and emotional scars. We cannot show our broken hearts, cannot show our brains that tell us over and over to kill ourselves.

The fact that we wake up every day to horrible dispair, or to other voices, or to whatever we suffer from and yet we stand and continue on. Even if we faulter and stumble. Even if we cry. Even if we beg and try to find a shorter path to the finish line. We still continue on each day. We have lived through times that others could never imagine.

When just the simple act of waking up causes us untold amounts of pain and agony. We may not have a "valid" reason for this pain. And truthfully the phantom pains that no one can explain can hurt more then pains that come for a reason. They created pills for sore muscles, for the joints, for bone pain. But yet they have not found a true pain med for emotional pain; yes there is anti-depressants that help, but it doesn't help pain. We live through pains and agony day in and out that there is no real meds for- there are meds to take, meds to try.

I count each and every person that has suffered any mental illness a survivor. Suicide survivors are the same. If you've ever planned, wrote a note or even tried it then you're a survivor. Just like how we are all mental illness survivors. The only problem is we cannot proudly say we are survivors because of the stigma attached. If you said you were a suicide (or mental illness survivor) you get stares, whispering and lonliness; where if you were a survivor of some illness that is physical then you are hailed as a hero with bravery. Suicide and mental survivors are just as strong if not stronger.

It's like Eminem's song Beautiful-
"Here today, gone tomorrow
But you'd have to walk a thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like

To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at s**t through each others' eyes"

Maybe to those who have never suffered, who aren't survivors we may not be beautiful or strong. But those who have suffered, who knows what it's like to go through each day. We are beautiful.

I think I went off topic, and I'm so sorry for that. I think what I'm trying to say is you don't have to have the scars, you don't have had to tried it and failed to be a survivor. Because anyone who has gone through it just once is a survivor!