can it get any worse?
- Thread starter toomuchreality
- Start date
I hope tomorrow is a better day
We place value so much on what we do that we weigh how much we fail, and that weighs us down.... There’s no one keeping score – no one who matters anyway. There is nothing to fail at or win at. We have intrinsic value. There is nothing that needs to validate our existence. You don’t have to accomplish anything to have a meaningful life. In fact, you can fail at everything and still derive meaning. What you get out of life is of your own choosing, and that is really what makes it worthwhile.
While I appreciate these words of support, I can't really totally agree that what we get out of life is of our own choosing. For instance, I didn't choose my parents or how they affected me, or how some people treated me. The only thing we can control, once we have gained some strength, gone through trials and suffering, is how we react to others and our situation. I also waver in my faith, but I believe our actions are judged, so that is why I carried shame for so long. But I'm learning to ask for forgiveness, and to forgive myself for my own wrong doings. I believe we can only do the best we know how in any situation we are in, and we should learn from our own mistakes. I do appreciate your words, and will read them again. I know winning isn't the end goal in life, but for me to feel valued I need to contribute to society in some way.
As much as it sucks, we can't do anything about the past. It's gone and we can't change it at this point. We can only do something about the future. What kind of thing or contribution would make you feel valued? I think something like this is going to look very different for each person, as our ideas and abilities are not the same. One way I contribute is making cards for people, people I know, people I don't know, I send them to people from here and to a mental hospital group. That's my thing. I don't know if that's enough to you though. So that's why I'm asking.
Hey nothing is ever as bad as it seems. I lost everything and was sectioned and now I live such a more worthy life. Cliche I know but it’s true I thought my whole world had ended then I got a second chan e and I promise you if you focus yourself into a different way you will get though it . All our issues and problems are what we create we have an insane inate resilience to stopping all of this pin . You just have to find it inside xx I promise you it’s there if you look xx
No, I completely agree you don’t get to choose what happens to you. That’s what I meaning about not being able to control. I also didn’t choose my parents. Both were horribly abusive. But with work I can choose to make things better for myself and what I internalize. I guess my point is that about the only thing we have power over is choosing how we see things. Admittedly doesn’t sound like much but it is literally the difference between punishing yourself over a mistake and using it as a starting point to do better.
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Because I rely on assistance from the government, I have a feeling of uselessness. I would like to give to those in need but I'm financially not in a situation I can. Once in a while, while going around the city with my now ex man friend/roomate, I'd give what I could and he looked at me in shame? Why? It's my money and if I see someone in need and I have a little bit can I not give it to them knowing they need a warmer coat? Thank you for your words of support! I think you are doing a wonderful thing by making cards to send to people!
Just wanted to send you some hugs and agree with all said...I think that truly internalizing forgiving oneself for past mistakes/regrets and thinking of it as a starting point and moving on though far from easy is so important to be able to continue on our life's journey because we then don't become so entangled by our mistake/regrets that we don't move on in our life's journey...if that makes any sense...
First, I don't think that assistance makes you useless by any means. I realize that is my opinion and it's about how you feel, but I wanted to say that. I do think there are ways you could help or make a difference in your community that don't involve money. Places you could volunteer food banks, thrift shops, shelters, programs or so many other places. School programs you could help with. Children's hospitals are always looking for volunteers. Did you know they need people to hold the babies? I don't have the money to give to the community. I would love to fund programs. Change the world. That's not in my realm. So I do what I can. I volunteer here. I make cards. I do a few other things here and there and that's how I leave my mark. I know you feel useless, but I don't think you are useless. Maybe if you could find just one place to do some kind of volunteer work you would feel better. Just an idea. I don't know what limitations you have, so I don't know what is possible for you.
Thanks @Nick
I do have physical and mental limits as to how much I can do. I will try to adopt this thinking that I'm not a failure. I'm in a stressful situation trying to find a place to live in a very short amount of time. I can't seem to find that, or part time work to help show I have more income.
I feel badly for my son but he is almost 20 and very defiant towards me, or any one in authority, he wants to do what he wants to do. He knows we could both be put out of this apartment, because I don't make enough to afford it on my own. My ex bf roomate left me with the promise he'd be back, and changed his mind.
This leaves me feeling awful, lonely, but I'm trying to keep going every day and do what I can. I've called all the lines I can find, there is no place of shelter that would take him or me in, they don't consider this a crisis, but it is. I'm so tired, but I want you to know I read all of this and I know what you are saying!
One thing I got to do today was cut my best friends hair, so there's that,.. I'm too stressed to think because of the housing situation. THank you people all of you for the support here. If it wasn't for people like you guys I might have not had hope
I do have physical and mental limits as to how much I can do. I will try to adopt this thinking that I'm not a failure. I'm in a stressful situation trying to find a place to live in a very short amount of time. I can't seem to find that, or part time work to help show I have more income.
I feel badly for my son but he is almost 20 and very defiant towards me, or any one in authority, he wants to do what he wants to do. He knows we could both be put out of this apartment, because I don't make enough to afford it on my own. My ex bf roomate left me with the promise he'd be back, and changed his mind.
This leaves me feeling awful, lonely, but I'm trying to keep going every day and do what I can. I've called all the lines I can find, there is no place of shelter that would take him or me in, they don't consider this a crisis, but it is. I'm so tired, but I want you to know I read all of this and I know what you are saying!
One thing I got to do today was cut my best friends hair, so there's that,.. I'm too stressed to think because of the housing situation. THank you people all of you for the support here. If it wasn't for people like you guys I might have not had hope
You can cut hair?? ; ) . . . There is a ‘science,’ & an ‘art,’ to that —(& I can do neither!). : ) I want to tell you something: and I’m telling you this, because it is the truth—& not just something that sounds good, or may help you to feel better... but some of the best people I have known on earth - were once on, or raised on (or raising their families on . . . ) “assistance.” So, in my book, while I don’t know what that’s like from a personal standpoint, it does not carry with it to me a very negative connotation. But rather, quite the opposite; just in knowing the quantity and caliber of character and person that I think of (when I cite specific examples: I mean we’re talking pure hearts of gold, here!) that term. It’s not derogatory to me, in other words, and sometimes, just sometimes; but not always, of course! It does just depend on how you look at it (things) in terms of, or when it comes to perspective. So, maybe that can lend you an alternative one ☝️. 
on the son: here’s another one. Given his age especially—I wouldn’t be incredibly particularly worried if I were you, just based on some of my friends who, when in that given age range seemed to have legendary regular ongoing verbal warfare with their folks (usually one or, more so, than the other... almost like a rival or arch nemesis or something strange and unexplainable, other than to perhaps a psychologist; I’m sure that they could have a field day!
) . . . But that then by the time they became more settled in life. And for some this was when they graduated college, or got their first jobs, went onto graduate studies; or for a lot of them when they had their first kids (as they could then see what they’re parents had to go through, maybe- shoe now on other foot 🦶 so to speak?), things changed, or turned around completely. And in many cases / instances, they became like best friends. And that is no lie or embellishment, either- by the way! So, in short (& not so short: I suppose!); there’s hope. : ) So, don’t give up—
on the son: here’s another one. Given his age especially—I wouldn’t be incredibly particularly worried if I were you, just based on some of my friends who, when in that given age range seemed to have legendary regular ongoing verbal warfare with their folks (usually one or, more so, than the other... almost like a rival or arch nemesis or something strange and unexplainable, other than to perhaps a psychologist; I’m sure that they could have a field day!
) . . . But that then by the time they became more settled in life. And for some this was when they graduated college, or got their first jobs, went onto graduate studies; or for a lot of them when they had their first kids (as they could then see what they’re parents had to go through, maybe- shoe now on other foot 🦶 so to speak?), things changed, or turned around completely. And in many cases / instances, they became like best friends. And that is no lie or embellishment, either- by the way! So, in short (& not so short: I suppose!); there’s hope. : ) So, don’t give up—