can minor sexual abuse as a child affect you as an adult?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Rose24, Jul 20, 2011.

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  1. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Do you think that if you were very slightly sexually abused as a child or even abused when you where too young to remeber that it can affect you in your adult life?

    ive been doing a lot of thinking recently and trying to determine why i am the way that i am, i believe the majority of it is genetics (my dad was schizoprenic and eventually became suicidal) but i was also very slightly sexually abused as a child and i wonder if that has affected me the way i am now, though unless i really think about it, it doesnt feel like it does affect my life at all, it was very minor and i was never phsically hurt but it went on for years and even though i think its minor, i still feel uncomfortable talking about it when i see my councellor. i learnt about sex when i was about 5 or 6 because of it and i began masterbating when i was really young, I lost my virginty when i was 13 and eventually became pregnant. Im not sure if i did all of that because i didnt really have a strong father figure in my life or if it was the sexual abuse.

    Id really appreciate it if you could share you experiances and opinions, hopefully it'll will help me clarify mine
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yes you could have buried all those emotions as a child and it can come up later in life when you are more ready to deal with trauma You are diminishing the effect it had on you but i think that is normal really What happen to you was horrible there is no minor abuse when it comes to a child hun talk to someone okay a professional and get some help for the past trauma hugs
  3. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I have heard it said, "we are the sum of our life experiences". Some people read that and think it means our past defines us and makes us who we are. I think that our life experiences nudge us to be a certain way, but ultimately we choose to submit to a predefined us or define our own selves with our future choices. Still to answer your question, yes even a slight abuse of any sort as a child or in any stage of life can affect a persons future life.

    Often when we are abused as children we tend to have a rewiring of the brain that confuses abuse for affection. It will do this so often on such a subconscious level that we don't even realize it's happening. I think that's one reason why a person who was abused as a child are far more likely to be abused later in life then someone who wasn't abused as a child. This is why stopping the cycle of abuse/violence is so important.

    So many people look at stopping the cycle of violence as meaning that the victim needs not to become the abuser. Sure that is part of the meaning, but only a small part. Mostly it means the opposite of "once a victim, always a victim".

    Because of the abuse I went through as a child I have pretty much chosen to isolate myself from face to face contact with others when it isn't necessary for business. That's how I deal with it. I know that's not the kind of sharing you mean, sorry.
  4. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    sexual abuse be it 'minor' or major is life altering. the act of sex itself the first time is something that will always be with you so imagine the impact of something that you didn't want to happen taking place.
    i was raped at the age of 6 by a man who lived on our street and although i dont feel that plays a huge part in my life now there is two parts that do.
    he wore a woolen jumper during the act, and to this day I hate the feel of wool or even synthetic wool, it makes me physically sick.
    the other down side was that it gave me desire to feel it again, being overpowered, terror, helplessness. it was the most intense feeling I've had in my life and have actively sought it out through BDSM and role-play.
    the sad thing is, i dont know if i can ever truly feel alive again inside without the intensity of those emotions, no matter how hard I try.
  5. autumn63

    autumn63 New Member

    why is it now at the age of 47 I am seeing images now of what happen when I was a child. why do the memories arrive now
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Rose -

    There is no "slightly" when it comes to SA. Unfortunately it does mold us to a certain degree and affect us until we deal with it, even if you think its insignificant. Please talk with your counsellor about it, I know its exceedingly hard to do.

    Take care.
  7. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    Yes it can. As a child you are developing. If something bad happens, in your case (minor) sexual abuse, it changes the developpattern. That interferes with the rest of your life. The way you think of yourself, the way you think about sex.
    What makes that you refer to it as 'minor'. How can sexual abuse be 'minor'. It is the way it was and that is terrible. You've been through things a child shouldn't be. You had to deal with things a child shouldn't have to deal with.
  8. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    I suppose it is minor, I feel uncomfortable thinking about it but i was never physically hurt, most of the time i was dressed. What I really want to know is if I am crazy because of what happened to me as a child or if I was always going to turn out nuts no matter what. I almost wish it was just the abuse to blame, that would make things so much easier.
  9. Geminihopes

    Geminihopes Member

  10. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    It had an impact on me, I didn't have my first sexual relationship until the age of 18....and I felt very guilty about anything sexual up until then.
  11. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    been thinking...even more, prehaps i shouldnt think so much, but i dont think this can effect me as much as people here seem to think. it was disgusting no matter how minor it was, and i know i knew about sex a lot earlier than i should have but i wouldnt describe it as traumatic, or atleast it wasnt as the time, it became an issue after i thought about it when i was old enough to undertstand. I dont think its the reason i sleep around, or the reason why I'm such a dysfunctional person. I think I just need to accept that I was born mad and that my environment as a whole, like having to deal with a mad dad didnt help. i dont think it was the sexual abuse. It would have been a nice scape goat though, I almost managed to conivince myself that theres a reason i'm this way and that its not my fault.
  12. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    It's not always your 'fault', and yeah, sometimes these kinds of things have an impact… but so do a lot of things and it's up to you to choose how you view it. I'm of the opinion that if it wasn't outright abuse, as in you're not being uncontrollably troubled by it, then there's no point in making it into something bigger than it really is… and doing so can even have a negative impact on your life. Sometimes the second you start seeing yourself as a victim is the second you lose control.

    So yeah, the past is not something that you can change, but the present IS. If you're not happy with the way you're living your life or what you're doing, then you can take control and change your lifestyle… stop doing whatever it is that's making you feel bad about yourself.
  13. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Absolutely it affects you your whole life-you learn to play a victim role for your own safety which spills over into all aspects of your life allowing others to control you. Psychically you are damaged for life with nightmares, flashbacks, body memories, suicidal thoughts, fears, terrors, it blows your self esteem, you can have triggers that haunt you, etc. You struggle with it even with therapy. All you can do is try to make your life the best it can be in spite of what has happened. It's never your fault. Even as an adult, you can be abused with someone holding a gun to your head. An abuser always has an agenda and is looking for a victim. An abuser will ALWAYS make you feel like everything is your fault not theirs and will lie to others and make them believe their side any way they can.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2012
  14. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I dont think anyone can be born 'mad' like someone once said to me a baby cant be born 'evil' so neither can one be born ' mad'.
    I was abused as a child and then as an adult too, over the years i get memories and flashbacks of things my mind had obviously 'buried' to keep me coping better.
    There is no doubt sexual abuse of a child is sexual abuse, no matter if it happens once or several times a day for many years, some people think that a fleeting experience with abuse isn't to bad as that which goes on for ages. I dont know if this is true or not.
    I think ALL abuse effects and it can alter the mind and person. You say you sleep around and are dysfunctional..........what I know personally and from research I'd say alot of that has to come down to abuse. You may be holding back in your subconscious memories which are tii bad to reveal, this happens alot and is there as a coping mechanism.
    Some abused survivors abstain from sex and others seem to want sex alot...........
    You mention your mad dad, in what ways was he 'mad'?
    You may find that what happened to you at young age has had more impact on you, than you realise.
    I know I was raped at 21, BUT was nearly 4 years later when I broke down and my mind 'remembered' it and could then say 'yes I was raped'................and what a feeling but my mind had known it all along, but took time to digest.................
    Dont forget that the mind/brain is VERY complex, so often what appears on the surface isn't always the be all and end all.............
    Here is you need to chat. xx
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