I was a very healthy and happy child when I was 4 and 5. I smiled all the time and played with my toys. Certainly, I did not talk, I was uninterested in other people, and lived in my own world :unsure:... but I was healthy! :blub: I thought life was a playground. :cry:
Now I'm 14,63 years old and labeled as very mentally ill. I'm depressed and selectively (unintentionally) mute. Moreover I'm psychotic. :sadyes:
People look down on me and think I'm mentally retarded, just because I have autism! When (or if?) I'm getting healthier, I will still have my autistic disorder.
It is a very frustrating disability, I tell you. Or at least that is what I think.
I just want to be normal. Or I dunno. Living is so tiresome.
I am dogged by guys finding me "cute". Sometimes I wish I looked more disabled, because people think I'm an ordinary girl.
Well, once I was in the library looking for interesting books.
An unfamiliar boy seeming older than me started to follow me. I got anxious.
After lots of minutes, he blocked my way and approached me.
"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" he said and smiled.
I reversed. I couldn't breathe. I began flapping my hands uncontrolledly.
"N...nhh.. uh, oa, ...nna", I kind of brought out. "Noeeeh. Do...n be gir...frehnd......"
The guy asked if I was from another country.
"Uuhh-uh-uuh-uhh." I stared at him and kept on flapping my hands.
"Oh, you're sick in your stupid head, or what?" The boy laughed and left me.
As if I chose to be "sick in my stupid head".
This has happened at least three times.
I feel I don't want to live anymore. :nerves: I'm tired of being called names as "bonehead" and "simple-minded". :ill:
I already know how to kill myself. Now I just need to be brave in order to perform it. I loathe my life. :yuk:
I just wanted to say good bye to you members of SF.
I'm sick of meeting doctors, and I hate medicines. I hate everything about my life.
Now I'm 14,63 years old and labeled as very mentally ill. I'm depressed and selectively (unintentionally) mute. Moreover I'm psychotic. :sadyes:
People look down on me and think I'm mentally retarded, just because I have autism! When (or if?) I'm getting healthier, I will still have my autistic disorder.
It is a very frustrating disability, I tell you. Or at least that is what I think.
I just want to be normal. Or I dunno. Living is so tiresome.
I am dogged by guys finding me "cute". Sometimes I wish I looked more disabled, because people think I'm an ordinary girl.
Well, once I was in the library looking for interesting books.
An unfamiliar boy seeming older than me started to follow me. I got anxious.
After lots of minutes, he blocked my way and approached me.
"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" he said and smiled.
I reversed. I couldn't breathe. I began flapping my hands uncontrolledly.
"N...nhh.. uh, oa, ...nna", I kind of brought out. "Noeeeh. Do...n be gir...frehnd......"
The guy asked if I was from another country.
"Uuhh-uh-uuh-uhh." I stared at him and kept on flapping my hands.
"Oh, you're sick in your stupid head, or what?" The boy laughed and left me.
As if I chose to be "sick in my stupid head".
This has happened at least three times.
I feel I don't want to live anymore. :nerves: I'm tired of being called names as "bonehead" and "simple-minded". :ill:
I already know how to kill myself. Now I just need to be brave in order to perform it. I loathe my life. :yuk:
I just wanted to say good bye to you members of SF.
I'm sick of meeting doctors, and I hate medicines. I hate everything about my life.
Cool...my Aunt has recently moved there, and I'm hoping to go and visit her for a while next spring. Maybe I can drop by and say hello while I'm there. Honestly...I'm just a normal person not some strange internet wierdo, but I don't know anyone there apart from my aunt and it would be good to say Hi. By then maybe we can have talked more too, so we'd just be online friends meeting up. I can't remember where my aunt moved to. It's a long address, but it's a campsite she bought out there. If I come over with my daughter, and you are able to come and camp with us, you can meet her. She's lovely. she'd understand.
s*