can not carry on.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sui caedere, Dec 14, 2007.

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  1. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    Just woke up after dreaming about my wedding day to find that i am still alone and my wife is never coming bake.

    right now i do not want to carry on the pain is to much.
    i just fell so alone with christmas coming it is just getting more than i can take.

    so i juat opend the bottle of brandy got out the blade and i know that will be that.

    i can not carry on feeling the way i do just to make my family and friends feel better if people love me just let me go.

    thanks to all in here for trying to help sorry to let you down.

    but better this for me then smashed out of my head on drugs in some hospital with people telling me they understand.
    done that once before never do that again.
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Hey, Shane. I hope you're still able to write more. I know what's happening because I've made a number of attempts, and will probably make more. When I was in a home for attempted suicides, one thing I took with me was the importance of a small support people made up of people I know and trust. I set up a gmail account given only to those five people, and when they see a post from me, they know to call or pray because I'm in real crisis.

    Having a wife and two children, I'm really in conflict when I want to die. I don't want to hurt the ones I love most, but at the bottom of the hole nothing matters except to stop the pain. I have told myself each time that I want to be alive for my wife's birthday (yesterday), then Christmas, then New Years, and then toward the end of January, when our son is coming for a visit. When that time comes, I'll have to come up with a new goal. When I started doing this, I could only say I'll wait until tomorrow. Then, it was a week, then two weeks, until I could project a month out. It doesn't take away the suicidal ideation, but I can police myself that way.

    I hope you did what Kahlann suggested, and you're still alive to read your mail.

  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Shane the pain and suffering is the shits. I'm just on my way back trying to recover from yet another attempt. And like middle I am surviving (at least that's what it's called) by setting future goals, even if only by the hour at a time. Now I have set the goal of being there until the kids are finished their week of xmas break with me and then go on to their fahter's. It's not going to save me but it does make it a little more easy to survive each day. Don't make any rash choices. You said that you had been there once before and never again. Well don't act on the impulse of the feelings from your dream. Or you may very well be "there" again. Hold on for at least a better day one where you have had an opportunity to be better adviced and prepared. PM if you need to.
  4. ophelia28

    ophelia28 Well-Known Member

    hi i dont know if you got my pm or not but please dont do anything to hurt yourself i care what happens to you and i know other people here do so please dont do anything pm me anytime to let me your ok
    thinking of you
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    You got to give this time.

    I've been in many situations like yours. Heavy emotional pain strangles your soul. I've called a crisis line, and it helped.

    Currently I attended depression/bi-polar groups. When you realize your pain is shared by many people, it gets you through.

    Take care.
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