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can not tell pdoc about suicidal feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GA_lost, Jul 28, 2010.

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  1. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    Even after years of seeing a pdoc's and T's, I still can not directly talk about suicidal feelings. Recently I became depressed enough to seriously think about suicide. I was thinking about telling my pdoc today, but could not get myself to do it. I let him know enough to know that I had experienced serious depression, and he asked me if my meds need changing. Maybe talking directly about suicide scares me because it seems to make a routine appt a crisis, and I have been hospitalized before. I had hoped that I could directly talk about it, but the fear is still there. The more seriously I think about suicide, the less I seem to be able to talk about it.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    You are afraid that he might hospitalize you, is that why you don't want to mention that you feel like committing suicide? But that is what he is there for. His job is to help you. You need to bring this up.

    There are people who FEEL suicidal and never commit suicide. And there are those who feel suicidal and act on it. Which group do you belong to? If you are just feeling suicidal and have no intention on acting on it, tell him your feelings and tell him you have no plans on acting on it, then you will release the bottled up stress and the painful thoughts, then you can move on to other things.

    If you are however suicidal and plan to act on it, you might need intervention. In that case you may need to let your doctor help you with hospitalization and care.

    Do you belong to the former or latter group?
    You have to find out which group you belong to.
  3. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    As of today, the suicidal feelings have calmed down. At the time however, I was thinking about settling things and leaving a note etc. I have attempted in the past a few times very seriously. Rather I can be very serious about it and know that I have tried before. I suppose it was a fear of making things sound like a crisis and it is not now. I just wish I could talk about it without fear. At least I can come on here and directly say it.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i talk to my T about my thoughts of suicide told him my plan everything He does not lock me up we talk openly about it without fear as should you as it helps to decrease the thoughts somewhat. Just state whats on your mind that you not at the point yet but getting close to it the only way you can get help is to be totally open with your therapist okay take care
  5. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I totally get you on this!

    I was afraid for so long to talk about it because I did get hospitalized for it.

    But, I finally had a frank talk with my doc about the fact that I cannot handle the hospital because they do no know how to deal with my condition and they make me worse. We talked and we worked out a contract where I promise to call him or his emergency service immediately if I am in crisis. He promised not to immediately put me in the hospital unless I honestly could not promise to be safe.

    Now, we can talk about these feelings, and I can communicate to him the different levels of intensity. He answers my emergency calls quickly and takes them very seriously and I don't call as much anymore.

    Just knowing that we've talked about it and made an agreement and that we both abide by it has helped.

    Maybe you could try this? It really does help to be able to talk about the feelings in regular sessions and not feel worried about that consequence. But, at th same time to know somebody takes them seriously and cares.
  6. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    I have similar fears. I was threatened with hospitalization as a teenager (my parents went to the state's attorney and tried to have me committed as an adult). Since then: NO HOSPITAL NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if I'm so manic I'm literally swinging from the chandeliers, if I weigh so little an ant can carry me, or if I'm actively trying to commit suicide. I WILL NOT go to the hospital. I will take myself out before I will be hospitalized.

    Every psychiatrist and therapist I've had has been made well aware of this fact.

    Of course, their professional ethics (and the law) dictate that they can't let me be roaming the streets if I'm actively a danger to myself or others. There are circumstances under which they are obligated to have me admitted to the hospital. But these circumstances are surprisingly few. I basically have to call and say "I'm going to kill myself RIGHT NOW." Having suicidal ideations doesn't cut it (if they did, I'd live in the hospital).

    So, I don't tell them when I'm having a suicidal crisis. Not the best idea, I know. I didn't tell them about my attempt until months after the fact, when I knew they couldn't do anything about it. It's a game of chess, I tell them what I think they need to know, but keep back anything I think will get me hospitalized.
  7. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Can you write a note to the pdoc? Im praying for you and hope you tell someone soon. We are here for you always too. Tell us all everything here and eventually tell the people around you. We love and care for you!!!!
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