can only go downhill from here

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by 1818, Apr 19, 2015.

  1. 1818

    1818 Member

    on Friday I lost my job. (I'm a teenager so it's not like it was an actual career) but I feel like such a failure. I've been getting bad again & sinking back down into my dark hole of nothingness, and losing my job is almost like the straw that broke the camels back I guess. it's been 2 days & I already relapsed on my self-injury (partly because now I don't have to worry about my short sleeve uniform showing my arms so nothing was holding me back). I've been trying to get a new job for the past few months but nothing has happened so now that I'm fired, I have less than $100 to my name until I can manage to get a new job. I already managed to steal money from family to make sure I don't go completely broke. It's something so small that has made me feel like such a piece of shit. I have nowhere to go from here except down. I'm not sure if I can even catch myself from falling again & I'm not sure if I want anybody else to.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you lost your job. It is really easy to press the self destruct button when something bad happens in our lives and that seems to be what happened with you. First, since you are a teenager and presumably your most basic needs like food and shelter are being provided, it is not a life and death emergency. Start by returning the stolen money so you do not add guilt to the other negative feelings you have about yourself. The same with the self harm, most jobs available for teens have dress standards or uniforms, so cutting, especially in noticeable manner, will make it harder to get a new job and you know that.

    If you want a new job than try applying for them. Make a plan or commitment to apply 2 places a day for 2 weeks, and make sure you can pass any employment screening tests.Doing positive things is the easiest way to change negative feelings. When bad things happen and the reaction is negative things on your part it just accelerates the downward spiral , but it is controllable simply by choosing to do the hard thing rather than the easy and impulsive. By choosing the harder but right thing it improves your feelings worth. Of course, the real issue is if you have decided its better to spiral down so you can absolve responsibility for actions then that is what you will do and nobody else will be able to stop you. That temporary rush of feeling in control of your destiny and rush of feelings at the direction will not last long, but the repercussions will last months- far after the rush is over and their is nothing but embarrassment left as well as the knowledge it was self inflicted.

    Make an actual plan of the things that you want to do , like get a job by submitting x applications a day, not cutting , not cutting anywhere noticeable, not missing any days school this week, whatever things you might have feelings about that you feel inclined to do and write down what the better option is and actively pursue that so you will have goals to put your efforts into, If you can get help with a counselor on at school or some place with these things that may help too. By having a plan with written goals you can feel a measure of success at things you can control, the same control you get by pressing the self destruct button, but in a positive way.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben