Can someone help me?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Bluebutterfly, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. Bluebutterfly

    Bluebutterfly Member

    Hi all,

    I'm not sure if i am suppose to be writing this in the Depression Forum, but i just need a few answers...... and seen as i am new to this i have no idea where i should be asking questions about my dad's suicide....

    My dad was 56, he suffered from Depression about 10years ago and was on Antidepressents and signed off work for 6months. He drank, we helped him, and i specifically remember one night sitting on the stairs with him (him in his underpants!) and me telling him no matter how bad it got, there was nothing we couldnt tackle together..... He got better, he was happy and off the pills, we were a very happy family.

    This time round, he was seeing a counciller, which i only found out the day before he took his life, but there was no other signs to suggest depression.

    How does someone hide this so well, and continue with day to day stuff with no signs....?? Why do you not reach out to family for help?

    Also, everyone has said to me 'Just remember, he wasnt your dad at the end, he was mentally unwell.....' I hate the thought that the man i loved wasnt in there somewhere, was he really that lost?

    Sorry to ramble.... Just very very confused......
  2. Lana

    Lana Well-Known Member

    Hi hun. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. Depression is so complex and there could be many reasons why he didn't tell anyone. Again, I am very sorry. I hope one day you will find some answers.
    *huge hugs*
  3. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I know that I personally have not, and will not tell my family about my depression, other than my husband. The reason I wont is because they wont understand. The majority of the population still believes that depression is just a sadness, and that sadness will go away, that I can get over it or snap out of it or whatever. It's just not that easy, and I don't want the social stigma that comes with coming out about depression, "That girl there, she's on crazy pills", "hey you know the chick in apartment 3b? She goes to a crazy doctor every couple of weeks".
    Plus, when it comes to family, they will be supportive, but at the same time a lot of them will sit and blame themselves, like my husband is doing now. I tell him he is not to blame, but he honestly believes that he is and that only makes me feel worse.

    I am very sorry about your Dad, I know it's hard losing a parent, and made even harder by all the questions swarming your mind day and night, but just know, if he didn't tell you, it was probably because he was trying to protect you from his pain.
  4. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    The same thing happened in the year before my dad suicided. I thought we were having fun going out to dinner and coffee regularly, and in his head he was saying goodbye to me. It never occurred to me that he might make such a decision without talking to me about it, we were so close.

    And you dad WAS in there! He loved you the whole time! He might have made up his mind what he wanted to do as a solution to whatever was troubling him, and focused wholly on ending his life, but he was NOT gone. You can't know why he chose what he did, but you can know that he loved you.

    If you can, find a local Survivors of Suicide family and friends support group. Talking with other folks who have had this sort of experience can be very helpful, and sometimes family is too close to the pain.

  5. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    People with emotional pain overtime learn to hide their feelings very well. Love of family or fear of what people might think could have driven your father to continue. He may have been feeling good for a while but began sink back into depression and didn't have the energy to fight any longer. Don't blame yourself for not being able to notice what was going on. The Human make up is very very complex. The bible teaches that you will be able to see your dad again. It states that all the dead will be resurrected to life right here on earth.(John 5:28,29) During that time the pain and heartaches of life will be gone.(psalms 37:10,11) Please read this article. You will find this article very up lifting as well.
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    How are you feeling today, I hope that it's one of clarity and peace for you.
    (((HUGS))) Bob